Saturday, October 31, 2015

Thursday, October 29, 2015

Halloween parties

So we did our first Halloween party yesterday. It was our usual annual thing we attend that our community throws for the kids.
One of the major reasons I have stayed in this area for so long is because of the absolute love they show the people.
Every year every holiday they throw something
A Halloween party
They give turkeys for thanksgiving
Christmas toys for December and so on.

So any who here are a few pictures.

And more pictures to come on actual Halloween

Santana sporadically put his mask on and off.
I think he's too cool now :'( :-\ :-[

Enjoy

Wednesday, October 28, 2015

today I had my last ultrasound

So the baby plumped up on me ALOT LOL
He's measuring at 16.5 inches
Weighing around 4.5lbs
And here he is with all his glory.
First he was hiding under all the cord
Then he showed his face
Then he decided to use my placenta as a personal pillow
Last pictures b4 I meet my son.
Whenever he chooses to make his debut



The final lineup

Edited because I had originally wrote 34 weeks... I'll be 33 weeks Sunday November 1st. Pregnancy brain. I'm sorry lol

OK with 33 weeks hitting this Sunday I'm still trying to prepare and line my helpers up
With me not driving anymore the question is
Who the eff is gonna bring me to the hospital??
Perhaps I'll have to take a cab??
An ambulance??

A friend???

Neeta can watch the kids hopefully lol
Last time when I had doopa I had 5 people lined up to watch the kids
And I almost had to bring them to the hospital with me
I hate asking people for help
But Neeta is like family so better her than anyone
It just is starting to make me nervous
It's like
Who is gonna watch the dogs??
Drive me??

My son is old enough to help me at home

Freezer food, fast food, and delivery is gonna be my best friend for a month or 2
Sandwiches
Noodles

If a serious emergency arises I will have to drive my car with no registration or insurance
But at least I'll be at the hospital
With a car

Can't believe I'm already 8 months

Gonna start drinking my raspberry leaf tea this week and get this uterus toned and prepared

Trying to choose my birth control
Looking at pics from last year that depo shot had me so dang fat😣

Probably gonna go IUD
Or something this time

Abstinence??? Hmmmm lol

I wish there was a birth control that helped you to pick better men to be with
Seriously

All the uncertainty just has me unnerved

I hate leaving my kids alone
My doggies

Depending on others
It's a great stretch for me

Melo drove me with amil

My aunt Ruth with Santana

I drove myself with doop

I was on a cold mission with doopa boy lol
I refused to call his dad for anything
Not even if I was dying on my death bed

That's pretty much where I'm at now
Except this time around my plates are bad.
But shit
If I gotta
I gotta

Will update you guys when I think of a master plan

Is just hard because of these holidays
If he comes near his due date we looking at Christmas time
If he comes early we looking at thanksgiving
So......

Counting down

So bought my maxi pads yesterday lolol
How fun 😕😮😐
That was pretty much the last thing I needed for my hospital bag.

I got all my little stretch pants and leggings in there.
IMA feel so much better getting back to my old self!!
Can finally wear some decent clothes and look like a little something.
My son is worth it.
But 9 months is along time to give up yourself for another person.

Maxis
Tank tops (camis)
Stretch pants/leggings
Tablet
Chargers
Phones etc

Still gotta get him a coming home outfit

But for the most part I'm ready.

The b.d. has been irritating the fuck outta me lately.

Regina get your husband...
Ppreciate cha...

Other than that. I have no complaints.

Baby is healthy and still cooking....

God is good.

Been overly providing for everything we need...

Lord I want to thank you in this time
For teaching me how to survive and provide for my family unassisted
The devil has tried to rob and steal from me
Knock me down
But YOU are such a providing father
I am in awe of your mercy

I love you Lord

Sunday, October 25, 2015

Theres nothing like

Going thru hell to get to your destination

The pain, pushing, sweating
To hear your baby's first cry

Looking into his eyes for the very first time

Seeing that face and never forgetting

Touching his curly hair
Smelling his scent

Bonding

Holding his little hand

Counting those perfect toes

Promising him that thru out life you will never leave his side

Introducing yourself and letting him know I'm mommy
Your backbone
the person you can call on for life

Letting him know God has chosen me to love you unconditionally forever
Even into my grave

Dressing him in his first outfit

Changing the first diaper

Breastfeeding for the first time
Teaching him how to latch

Letting his brothers and sisters meet
Watching everyone smile

Watching the youngest hit a milestone and become a big brother

Watching your family grow instantaneously

Watching all your friends come help pitch in
all for the sake of this baby
This beautiful soul no one has met yet

Taking his first picture

Writing his name for the first time

Hearing the world speak your child's name
The name you've chosen for your precious baby

Watching his first shots

Seeing him turn bright red from crying

Rocking him to sleep

Comforting him

His whole world is secure as long as he can feel your heartbeat and hear your voice

There's so much I have went thru this past 8 months

Pure hell at times.

But I know why
I know who its for

And no one is more important than my son right now.

I am so ready
So secure
So prepared for his arrival

If he came today I would be ready

I thank the Lord for this opportunity
To be the first one to love His child

I will never let any of my children fall

There's is absolutely nothing like being a mother

Saturday, October 24, 2015

Recognizing people's sacrifice

Breaking up is hard.
It takes us out of our comfort zone.
It makes us rethink
Reevaluate ourselves
Our lives and situations
And forces us into change

But I think it all has extreme value and a lot of times its necessary

After 9 years of being together my moms boyfriend is moving back to new York and she's having a hard time with that

I spoke to her in great length today
And we shared and we cried and I had to tell my mom some stuff that wasn't easy to say
But necessary for her to hear.

When I went back home in august I saw her man Reggie and first thing I said to him was he was looking thin and honestly he didn't look real happy to me

I told my mom that she shouldn't focus on the fact that he's leaving but more on the fact that he sacrificed and left everything he knows, his family, his son, his entire life in new York 9 years ago for her
That's love

Its a sacrifice that I KNOW my mom would never make for him. As much as she loves him she would never do that

But he did
 

And he didn't do it for 6 months or a year

He did it for almost a decade and I won't let his sacrifice go unnoticed or unappreciated

I compared it to me and joshy

I've been waiting for him to do that.
Which he's came close but never sealed the deal

Its a major thing

And I want her to see that

To see all that love went into that move

I know that even tho Reggie is leaving I know its not easy for him
I know its one of the hardest things he's had to do

I called and spoke with him in great length and let him know that I love him
And I appreciate all he's done for us and our family over the past 9 years

That he's welcome to my home anytime
And that I will always consider him family

She sees this as the end
But I see a great beginning forming

My mom called me a bad bitch
She thinks I'm this great superwoman

But
I get weak
I cry
I hurt
But I have to be strong

And I need her to know everything great in me I learned from her
I was raised by her alone
As a single mom, I watched her work 2 jobs almost my whole life
She works 2jobs to this day
And that's amazing to me
She's equally strong and amazing we just use our strengths in different ways

I love her to death
And I hope she can appreciate herself more than she does

She shorts herself and she's amazing

She bends over backwards
She always comes thru for me

And I'm proud she's my mom.

We all go thru shit in life
Its how we handle our hardships
And bounce back
And endure our struggle

Our struggles make us who we are
And they shape us
Build our character

I'm happy that Reggie is thinking about himself

Its OK to self preserve

We have to be selfish sometimes

We have to love ourselves before anyone else

Sometimes you only have yourself

So. In conclusion I'm proud of both my mom and Reggie

They had a great relationship
They still both love each other very much

But everything has a beginning and an end

And love is no exception.

So value your loved ones while you have them
Because once they're gone they're gone

And recognize the sacrifice we take for love
Because when you don't you may feel like you've been taken for granted

Love you all

Chase

Sunday, October 18, 2015

31 weeks

So I have been soooooo irritated lately.
This 3rd trimester is kickin ass
And I can't wait for this to be over...

Really hormonal and mad
For no reason lol

But happy about all the holidays.

Been getting so much done.

I'm so blessed.

Had my driver license revoked.
So yeah pretty much been on the bus.

Selling my car very soon for dirt cheap.
Because it sitting outside makes me wanna drive and I can't risk going to jail.

The kids need me.

The new baby

So I have to sacrifice

Its cool tho

All in due time

Been running into people I know on the bus actually

New people

Old people 😜

Wild things going on.  So anyways just briefly updating.
I'm really tired and going to sleep.

Goodnight

Tuesday, October 13, 2015

Deleted useless junk

Ok so of course in my need to purge, I've once again deleted my Kik and Snapchat.
I have no use for them.
Glide is my medium and I'm sticking to it lol

Tuesday, October 6, 2015

Rest in peace angels

So I already spoken about the birthing parenting support board I'm apart of.
This lady who had her son on sept 12th of this year.
He was a micropremie. Born at 27.2 weeks gestation.
He passed away this morning...
I was so sad when I read her update.
He was just too tiny and he got sick..
I can't even imagine how she feels what her mind is thinking.
Please pray for her. And her angel in heaven braylen

Sunday, October 4, 2015

After all is said and done

Said goodbye to a lot of people
This transition is gonna be monumental

But all great changes are

I remember when I left l.a. almost 10 years ago...
I never would have thought I would still be here.

But now its planning, changing, transition time again and there's no time for fear
Only moves to be made

Lord thank u for you vision your compassion and your love.
May I be successful in everything thru your mercy grace and love
In Jesus name
Amen