Thursday, October 29, 2015
So we did our first Halloween party yesterday. It was our usual annual thing we attend that our community throws for the kids.
One of the major reasons I have stayed in this area for so long is because of the absolute love they show the people.
Every year every holiday they throw something
A Halloween party
They give turkeys for thanksgiving
Christmas toys for December and so on.
So any who here are a few pictures.
And more pictures to come on actual Halloween
Santana sporadically put his mask on and off.
I think he's too cool now :'( :-\ :-[
Wednesday, October 28, 2015
He's measuring at 16.5 inches
Weighing around 4.5lbs
Edited because I had originally wrote 34 weeks... I'll be 33 weeks Sunday November 1st. Pregnancy brain. I'm sorry lol
OK with 33 weeks hitting this Sunday I'm still trying to prepare and line my helpers up
With me not driving anymore the question is
Who the eff is gonna bring me to the hospital??
Perhaps I'll have to take a cab??
Neeta can watch the kids hopefully lol
Last time when I had doopa I had 5 people lined up to watch the kids
And I almost had to bring them to the hospital with me
I hate asking people for help
But Neeta is like family so better her than anyone
It just is starting to make me nervous
Who is gonna watch the dogs??
My son is old enough to help me at home
Freezer food, fast food, and delivery is gonna be my best friend for a month or 2
If a serious emergency arises I will have to drive my car with no registration or insurance
But at least I'll be at the hospital
With a car
Can't believe I'm already 8 months
Gonna start drinking my raspberry leaf tea this week and get this uterus toned and prepared
Trying to choose my birth control
Looking at pics from last year that depo shot had me so dang fat😣
Probably gonna go IUD
Or something this time
Abstinence??? Hmmmm lol
I wish there was a birth control that helped you to pick better men to be with
All the uncertainty just has me unnerved
I hate leaving my kids alone
Depending on others
It's a great stretch for me
Melo drove me with amil
My aunt Ruth with Santana
I drove myself with doop
I was on a cold mission with doopa boy lol
I refused to call his dad for anything
Not even if I was dying on my death bed
That's pretty much where I'm at now
Except this time around my plates are bad.
If I gotta
Will update you guys when I think of a master plan
Is just hard because of these holidays
If he comes near his due date we looking at Christmas time
If he comes early we looking at thanksgiving
So bought my maxi pads yesterday lolol
How fun 😕😮😐
That was pretty much the last thing I needed for my hospital bag.
I got all my little stretch pants and leggings in there.
IMA feel so much better getting back to my old self!!
Can finally wear some decent clothes and look like a little something.
My son is worth it.
But 9 months is along time to give up yourself for another person.
Tank tops (camis)
Still gotta get him a coming home outfit
But for the most part I'm ready.
The b.d. has been irritating the fuck outta me lately.
Regina get your husband...
Other than that. I have no complaints.
Baby is healthy and still cooking....
God is good.
Been overly providing for everything we need...
Lord I want to thank you in this time
For teaching me how to survive and provide for my family unassisted
The devil has tried to rob and steal from me
Knock me down
But YOU are such a providing father
I am in awe of your mercy
I love you Lord
Sunday, October 25, 2015
Going thru hell to get to your destination
The pain, pushing, sweating
To hear your baby's first cry
Looking into his eyes for the very first time
Seeing that face and never forgetting
Touching his curly hair
Smelling his scent
Holding his little hand
Counting those perfect toes
Promising him that thru out life you will never leave his side
Introducing yourself and letting him know I'm mommy
the person you can call on for life
Letting him know God has chosen me to love you unconditionally forever
Even into my grave
Dressing him in his first outfit
Changing the first diaper
Breastfeeding for the first time
Teaching him how to latch
Letting his brothers and sisters meet
Watching everyone smile
Watching the youngest hit a milestone and become a big brother
Watching your family grow instantaneously
Watching all your friends come help pitch in
all for the sake of this baby
This beautiful soul no one has met yet
Taking his first picture
Writing his name for the first time
Hearing the world speak your child's name
The name you've chosen for your precious baby
Watching his first shots
Seeing him turn bright red from crying
Rocking him to sleep
His whole world is secure as long as he can feel your heartbeat and hear your voice
There's so much I have went thru this past 8 months
Pure hell at times.
But I know why
I know who its for
And no one is more important than my son right now.
I am so ready
So prepared for his arrival
If he came today I would be ready
I thank the Lord for this opportunity
To be the first one to love His child
I will never let any of my children fall
There's is absolutely nothing like being a mother
Saturday, October 24, 2015
Breaking up is hard.
It takes us out of our comfort zone.
It makes us rethink
Our lives and situations
And forces us into change
But I think it all has extreme value and a lot of times its necessary
After 9 years of being together my moms boyfriend is moving back to new York and she's having a hard time with that
I spoke to her in great length today
And we shared and we cried and I had to tell my mom some stuff that wasn't easy to say
But necessary for her to hear.
When I went back home in august I saw her man Reggie and first thing I said to him was he was looking thin and honestly he didn't look real happy to me
I told my mom that she shouldn't focus on the fact that he's leaving but more on the fact that he sacrificed and left everything he knows, his family, his son, his entire life in new York 9 years ago for her
Its a sacrifice that I KNOW my mom would never make for him. As much as she loves him she would never do that
But he did
And he didn't do it for 6 months or a year
He did it for almost a decade and I won't let his sacrifice go unnoticed or unappreciated
I compared it to me and joshy
I've been waiting for him to do that.
Which he's came close but never sealed the deal
Its a major thing
And I want her to see that
To see all that love went into that move
I know that even tho Reggie is leaving I know its not easy for him
I know its one of the hardest things he's had to do
I called and spoke with him in great length and let him know that I love him
And I appreciate all he's done for us and our family over the past 9 years
That he's welcome to my home anytime
And that I will always consider him family
She sees this as the end
But I see a great beginning forming
My mom called me a bad bitch
She thinks I'm this great superwoman
I get weak
But I have to be strong
And I need her to know everything great in me I learned from her
I was raised by her alone
As a single mom, I watched her work 2 jobs almost my whole life
She works 2jobs to this day
And that's amazing to me
She's equally strong and amazing we just use our strengths in different ways
I love her to death
And I hope she can appreciate herself more than she does
She shorts herself and she's amazing
She bends over backwards
She always comes thru for me
And I'm proud she's my mom.
We all go thru shit in life
Its how we handle our hardships
And bounce back
And endure our struggle
Our struggles make us who we are
And they shape us
Build our character
I'm happy that Reggie is thinking about himself
Its OK to self preserve
We have to be selfish sometimes
We have to love ourselves before anyone else
Sometimes you only have yourself
So. In conclusion I'm proud of both my mom and Reggie
They had a great relationship
They still both love each other very much
But everything has a beginning and an end
And love is no exception.
So value your loved ones while you have them
Because once they're gone they're gone
And recognize the sacrifice we take for love
Because when you don't you may feel like you've been taken for granted
Love you all
Sunday, October 18, 2015
So I have been soooooo irritated lately.
This 3rd trimester is kickin ass
And I can't wait for this to be over...
Really hormonal and mad
For no reason lol
But happy about all the holidays.
Been getting so much done.
I'm so blessed.
Had my driver license revoked.
So yeah pretty much been on the bus.
Selling my car very soon for dirt cheap.
Because it sitting outside makes me wanna drive and I can't risk going to jail.
The kids need me.
The new baby
So I have to sacrifice
Its cool tho
All in due time
Been running into people I know on the bus actually
Old people 😜
Wild things going on. So anyways just briefly updating.
I'm really tired and going to sleep.
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
Tuesday, October 6, 2015
So I already spoken about the birthing parenting support board I'm apart of.
This lady who had her son on sept 12th of this year.
He was a micropremie. Born at 27.2 weeks gestation.
He passed away this morning...
I was so sad when I read her update.
He was just too tiny and he got sick..
I can't even imagine how she feels what her mind is thinking.
Please pray for her. And her angel in heaven braylen
Sunday, October 4, 2015
Said goodbye to a lot of people
This transition is gonna be monumental
But all great changes are
I remember when I left l.a. almost 10 years ago...
I never would have thought I would still be here.
But now its planning, changing, transition time again and there's no time for fear
Only moves to be made
Lord thank u for you vision your compassion and your love.
May I be successful in everything thru your mercy grace and love
In Jesus name