Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Ending an era

I fell in love with naked city 8 years ago.
Its been home since 2006
And recently ive had a turn of events that is forcing me to leave the area and it scares the shit ohtta me

But its time.

Every time I think about it my eyes well up.

But I am taking a BLIND leap of faith, and I dont know when the next move iss gonna be

Im scared

As I get older I see myself taking less risks
But I feel like if I don't break away now
I never will

My heart hurts
Im kicked down
I feel like I have no one
But God will see me thru it...

I rebuke the devil and his fucked up plans

6 months later

I am so unhappy with myself right now, but I jnow change is on the horizon.
In a matter of months I lost almost everything I have tried to build.
Behind a man for one
A married man
Who is also physically abusive.
But I have seen little of him lately
I hope I never see him again
He is the absolute worst thing that has happened to me
I love him
But I loved my daughter's father, you still have to stand up for yourself
I still had to leave him
And so too did I have to leave this one

Ill be glad when this new life starts
And I have to rebuild, and thats ok
Im prepared,  I know its gomna be extremely hard,
And its gonna be alot of work
Change isnt easy for me
But God is definitely expecting change from me

Lord please force me to do what u have planned for me
And comfort me,
Please never leave me because I am lost
I need you to steer for me, guide my vision
My steps
My path
My money
Take my family in your hands and just mold us because I am so scared

Just bear hug me and never let go.

I love you Lord
Please work thru me