Tuesday, December 31, 2013
Monday, December 30, 2013
Sunday, December 29, 2013
It's finally time.
I've built in this apartment for 7 years.
I've laughed and cried.
Yelled and screamed.
Even moaned oooooooops lol
But it's still time to say goodbye
I will always remember how far this place has taken me.
Thank you LORD
Saturday, December 28, 2013
Friday, December 27, 2013
For this upcoming year I am placing great value on myself... I haven't given out my new number to many...
I got a newnew thing coming soon
Newer # lmao
Finally got my place! thank you Jesus!
Been packing all day.
Should be outta here next week. Bringing in the new year with a new #...
Thursday, December 26, 2013
Wednesday, December 25, 2013
... this is an example of the magnitude of how much I can love someone, cuz love TRULY is blind and unconditional...
Years after death, wife gives husband final Christmas gift - TODAY.com http://www.today.com/holidayguide/years-after-death-wife-gives-husband-final-christmas-gift-2D11792103
It's crazy cuz I have people available to be with...
Or at least willing to try I guess....
My dumb ass still over in left field...
I call myself changing my #
Nigga callt and said happy Christmas type shit....
He fuckin make me smile tho...
Aye this nigga either make me smile or cry
I would be lying if I said I didn't love his dirty draws tho
I miss him
He makes me laugh... just thinking about him...
He's my herby Lol
Happy Christmas again. And let me tell you
Just let the people you love be in your life
God will stake them in your heart and life
Tuesday, December 24, 2013
Monday, December 23, 2013
Sunday, December 22, 2013
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Man i really miss my nigga
We don't get along tho
Unless we go thru long stretches of time without seeing each other
Otherwise all we do is argue.
We have our good times tho. As rare as they are... lol
When we get it right, heaven on earth...
Even though we argue all the time he's my best friend.
I miss him right now.
I stay busy.
But I miss this nigga man.
Might as well write about it since I can't talk about it.
Can't even pretend to show Santana n them that I might be hurting...
I have to look like everything is all together
Even tho I feel it's all fallen apart.
That shit hurts my heart.
Dam might as well start smoking cigarettes again.
Life without him.
Death sentence anyways.
I miss my nigga
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Only a mere 12 days until the new year.
Time has truly flown by.
Its crazy how much can happen in a year.
How much can unhappen.
I'm taking the new year by the horns.
My whole thing is.
We only live once.
So you know what?
U wanna smoke cigarettes do it.
What makes you happy inside
I've spent my life trying to please others but this next year is going to me.
And I intend to show my ass like I've never shown it before ladies and gentlemen.
So to you all I say.
Have a wonderful next 12 days of 2013.
And may your next year be righteous.
Everything you've ever wanted.
With attitude go claim it.
Wednesday, December 18, 2013
U guys the blessings that are falling into my lap it's just unbelievable! GOD is so so amazing and worthy...
I can't praise Him enough.
I have my ups and downs.
Things sometimes don't go the way I want them to.
But I'm not the one with the plan. GOD is.
His plans are divine.
When I allow myself to receive my blessings it's a wonderful feeling.
I hope this holiday season is as good as mine has been so far. GOD bless
Monday, December 16, 2013
If I was to give you a peek inside of my soul
You would be just as lost as me
Some days you can't keep me down
I smile from ear to ear
Everything is either perfect
Or will work itself out
I feel loved
Loved Loved loved
I feel like I have a handle on things..
The next I'm scared
Trying to figure out the next 5 seconds of my life
I'm dragging everyone down
I have no purpose
I never know which me im gonna be
Its so hard
Because of the unpredictability of my moods
It makes me not wanna have anyone near me
Even the people I love
Even if there is someone willing to hang in there with me
They usually want to understand
How can u understand something I don't
I don't even like to think about it
Let alone talk and feel and explore it
So where does that leave me?
Sunday, December 15, 2013
We always think the last time we see someone, or say something to somebody for the last time... like I always think it's supposed to be life changing or profound...
That shit be regular.
Actually like less than what you've built it up to be...
It is a strange, cold, curious world
Well people. Here we are... 9 days away from Christmas. 2 weeks from the new year.
This year all in all has been great.
It's not ending the way I thought
But I'm accepting and moving forward.
So so so many new changes coming soon.
Happy holidays everyone
Make it count
A man named Bob May, depressed and brokenhearted, stared out his drafty apartment window into the chilling December night.
His 4-year-old daughter Barbara sat on his lap quietly sobbing. Bob's wife, Evelyn, was dying of cancer. Little Barbara couldn't understand.
Why her mommy could never come home. Barbara looked up into her dad's eyes and asked, "Why isn't Mommy just like everybody else's Mommy?" Bob's jaw tightened and his eyes welled with tears. Her question brought waves of grief, but also of anger. It had been the story of Bob's life. Life always had to be different for Bob.
Small when he was a kid, Bob was often bullied by other boys. He was too little at the time to compete in sports. He was often called names he'd rather not remember. From childhood, Bob was different and never seemed to fit in. Bob did complete college, married his loving wife and was grateful to get his job as a copywriter at Montgomery Ward during the Great Depression. Then he was blessed with his little girl. But it was all short-lived. Evelyn's bout with cancer stripped them of all their savings and now Bob and his daughter were forced to live in a two-room apartment in the Chicago slums. Evelyn died just days before Christmas in 1938.
Bob struggled to give hope to his child, for whom he couldn't even afford to buy a Christmas gift. But if he couldn't buy a gift, he was determined to make one - a storybook! Bob had created an animal character in his own mind and told the animal's story to little Barbara to give her comfort and hope. Again and again Bob told the story, embellishing it more with each telling. Who was the character? What was the story all about? The story Bob May created was his own autobiography in fable form. The character he created was a misfit outcast like he was. The name of the character? A little reindeer named Rudolph, with a big shiny nose. Bob finished the book just in time to give it to his little girl on Christmas Day. But the story doesn't end there.
The general manager of Montgomery Ward caught wind of the little storybook and offered Bob May a nominal fee to purchase the rights to print the book. Wards went on to print, Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer and distribute it to children visiting Santa Claus in their stores . By 1946 Wards had printed and distributed more than six million copies of Rudolph. That same year, a major publisher wanted to purchase the rights from Wards to print an updated version of the book.
In an unprecedented gesture of kindness, the CEO of Wards returned all rights back to Bob May. The book became a best seller. Many toy and marketing deals followed and Bob May, now remarried with a growing family, became wealthy from the story he created to comfort his grieving daughter. But the story doesn't end there either.
Bob's brother-in-law, Johnny Marks, made a song adaptation to Rudolph. Though the song was turned down by such popular vocalists as Bing Crosby and Dinah Shore, it was recorded by the singing cowboy, Gene Autry.
"Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer"
Was released in 1949 and became a phenomenal success, selling more records than any other Christmas song, with the exception of "White Christmas."
The gift of love that Bob May created for his daughter so long ago kept on returning back to bless him again and again. And Bob May learned the lesson, just like his dear friend Rudolph, that being different isn't so bad. In fact, being different can be a blessing.
Saturday, December 14, 2013
By treating you basic.
Theres nothing special or unique about you anymore
Just another notch on the belt as they say.
Because i can never be tamed anyways
We tried it failed and basically
Im choosing a different reality.
Two people living seperate lives.
Crossing paths from time to time.
As long as i can always realize
that fact will always be true
I wont have to get over you
Because i wont be under you.
That life is over friend.
Almost 10 years later
Not even a nudge
Just added frustration
So when that other man steps in
Even though hes not you
A basic decision will have to be made
For my Happiness
Outside of you.
Everything from the past changes into regret
And all of the sudden your new life
Hasnt a splinter of me in it. Kids or otherwise.
Just me and my husband
You and your wife.
I'll only hear stories about you after that
Sending you well wishes thru others
Oh Tell him we said hi.
Them rather. ..
It Isnt as complicated as i thought.
Quite predictable actually.
You said it yourself
Youve thought it
And when it happens you wont be shocked.
Because of the cicumstances there is only one answer
So lets just keep it basic
Theres 2 things that wont change.
Life and death.
We live whatever life we choose
And then we die.
See how basic that is.
Who cares about a phone call?
It wont change my life
Cant stop my death...
So why do it?
Ill never understand
My life is moving so fast
Too fast for you man.
14, 10, 4, 10 months...
How much more do you have to miss out on?
Cant you realize we already are living diffrent lives
You lived that other life with the other one
Now youre scared.
Theres other people that like who i am
Say how they feel
Knoww how to be real
Do all the basics you wouldn't Do
It could've been you if you wanted it to.
Good thing all the confusion is gone
With a basic friendship
The fun is done
The chit chat is over
Ignore has been set
It shoudnt even matter
Just pretend that im gone
Cuz emotionally its that
Just your basic run of the mill breakup
Just a basic part of life
Theres not a reason for a million goodbyes.
Just cut and dry.
Go live your life.
Love is a circumstantial lie.
Till i die.
Soon enough youll get pre occupied
With another love.
And Live your dreamlife.
We'll eventually have to severe ties.
So lets do it now friend
Just Another basic part of life.
Thursday, December 12, 2013
I woke up and cried
Now it's time to say goodbye
I have been fighting for so long
I can't fight anymore.
I give up on my struggles.
I lost a ugly war
All I wanted was a little more.
I was denied peace
I hate this life
So much sorrow
No one cares.
We are all dying.
Some much sooner than others
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Closed from the world it never used to be this way
Hate is a relative word.
2moro is another day overwhelmed with sadness...
A cheap expression of love given to me by a sinner
Lift me up
Or crush me with one hand....
Love is just something you say...
Monday, December 9, 2013
Today is sad because I'm putting to rest a friend.
One of my best friends... I thought.
But he didn't think so.
You never know a person.
But nevertheless this person is gone.
Its tragic to me but life continues.
I have to be strong now for the kids.
THATS WHAT HE MEANT
I didn't get it then but I get it now.
Rest in peace my old friend
You are missed
Sunday, December 8, 2013
Saturday, December 7, 2013
Today's the first weekend in my "NEW" year. Last night wasn't bad. But today will be better and everyday will get easier and easier. With the new year coming its only a matter of time before I'm gonna have to move etc. I can't wait. I have so many old memories in this place I just wanna start over. So my do over is coming up. My second chance. So. Go out enjoy your life. Factor bullshit out. Leave the past in your past. Have a blessed weekend stay warm. And to everyone who got cut off. Don't take it personal. You knew it was coming.
Friday, December 6, 2013
I have 4blessings that run my life
They have been blessing me for over 14 years.
I love my kids more than anything in the world.
Not a fan of baby daddy's...
I handle my own...
Shot out to Karim Hassan Anderson tho.
The bestest co parent I could ask for. ..
We go thru our shit but a special blended family we are. And I love us for that.
Wyana I couldn't ask for a better step mother to my son I love talking to you.... you are a special woman
Other than the few people I lean on. I call on myself for most situations.
To get my 4kids I have been thru a lot.
I've been lied to, cheated on, spit on, had fones broken, got yelled at, called police, been almost pushed out of a moving car and even had money stolen from me.
But thru it all. I stand tall
I stand alone
And I stand by my kids.
I think that's what God needs me for. To love his babies. Birth them. Grow with them.
I cannot tell what is going to happen 2moro but I hope I can remain blessed by Jesus and live thru his blood.
Love your kids.
Thru bad grades, suspensions, broken bones and all.
Weather the storm to get the rainbow
Thursday, December 5, 2013
Be the comfort needed.
The arms that need to be felt.
The best friend I need
The one that thinks the world of me
The one that I run to
The one that will fix the wrong doings of the world.
Not a frenemy.
Not someone secretly taking shots at me.
My friend told me today that people change when they wanna change for something they want.
I guess so.
Anyways I've had a long weird twisted day.
Millions of people get sick everyday... but only I get ridiculed and questioned behind it.
Enjoy life everybody
Rest on peace madiba
I'm tired of the drama.
I'm starting my new year early.
I've blocked people in my phone.
Number changing soon thank God.
I just am too weak to fight the fight anymore.
I give up
This year brought a lot of change to me.
I'm living without people I thought I needed.
I've cut ties with almost everyone I know..
I am leaving my loved ones behind. And I'm gonna discover who the real, alone, me is.
I feel like everything is different.
I don't want what I did before.
Its harder doing the right thing.
So blocking u
As hard as it may be.
It will be done
We prevent ourselves from moving on.
When there are people coming around just to hear your voice and ask how you're feeling.
What u been up to?
How are you?
I'm here for YOU.
Maybe it's not about sex
Its about friendship.
Who cares enough to be at your door?
I am closing my revolving door.
And I'm not gonna look back from here on out.
Blinders on my eyes.
May deafness fall upon fake professions.
I have all I need to keep me happy safe and warm.
Cutting out the lifecycles
Happy holidays everybody.
Thank you Lord.
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
Free donjarelle tho
They say when you're in a panic or place of distraught you go to where you feel comfortable.
Here I am....
I've abandoned fb and Twitter for the time being.
I've abandoned everybody.
You are 86d.
The year is closing.
Old relationships ending.
Even without closer.
Sad but true.
GOD is greater than me thankfully
Saturday, September 21, 2013
Well the baby is 8 months. Sen is 14, santana 10, and amil 4... this year has floooown bye. I cant believe the holiday season is here. I am very grateful. I have alot im thankful for. Alot of changes. New beginnings and a new way of seeing things. I hope to become a better person
With Halloween around the corner and thanksgiving and Christmas right after... I feel blessed