Monday, April 30, 2012

changed the calender

so me and santana already changed our calenders to may

this weekend the mayweather fight BABY!!

and also a FULL moon... how bout them apples?

dam the year whizzin along aintit?

niggaz just yelled happy new years... now its may

thats crazy

CRAY LOL

im most likely gonna make it a late night tonight.

i got mad shit to do.

but im BLESSED none the less

EVERYDAY

i wish santana was already out of school and sen too

i love watchin movies with them at like 3 am

the shit we cant watch when muahmuahs is up

she light weight be controlling the tv *excuseme??*

well i didnt come here to say TOOOO much.

just wanna wish everybody a happy summer.

mothers day is coming up this month...

everyone pray for your moms,

visit their graves,

light a candle

sing your moms or in my case my granny's favorite song

do whatever you have to

to keep them alive

on mothers day AND every other day

thats GIVEN to you

STOP waiting for blessings and BE a blessing ♥

words 4the wise

i have learned that life isnt about learning to hide what you do

its about learning to do things that you dont have to hide

owning up to the shit you have done

life gets EXTREMELY hard

if life was all fun and games there wouldnt be a suicide rate

why would anyone wanna hide everything they do?

wouldnt you want your mark on the world to be talked about??

certain people know this about you

others know this

how many YOU'S are you creating?

how can anyone keep up with that?

befriend it

the devil is alive in alot of people

even people you love, people i love

and just like you let the devil go

you let them go too




on the ocean

Man,
The moment I been waiting on
And my soul is over flowing
With anxieties and expectations
I'm full of desires
I just want it so bad
You know
And it just seem so real
It's right there
I just want reach out and touch it
Before it all disappears

Sometimes
It feels like
Everything
Is passin' me by
Every now and then
It feels like
My ship has gone and sailed away
But I
I gonna be strong
Gotta hold on
It won't be too long


Now the tide is coming near
I see the waves flowing
Out there on the ocean
I know my ship is coming in
Just pass the horizon
And right where the sky ends
Cause out there on the ocean
Know my ship is coming in
But don't leave me hanging
I've been waiting to long
But this moment
My ship has finally come


I would travel to the seven seas

I would even go wherever the wind blows me

I'll do anything to find my destiny
It's like fightin' with gravity
And it's bringin' me down
If this world was really round then tell me how
It's just a moment for you to come around


Now the tide is coming near
I see the waves flowing
Out there on the ocean
I know my ship is coming in
Just pass the horizon
And right where the sky ends
Cause out there on the ocean
Know my ship is coming in
But don't leave me hanging
I've been waiting to long
But this moment
My ship has finally come

Finally you come around
Around, around
I said finally baby

Finally you come (around)
Around, around


Sunday, April 29, 2012

may baby

so yall already know its may one time!!!

mayweather fight on the 5th :) #WHOOMP

should be poppin in vegas!

tourists are definitely UP since the past few years

the recession

school finna be over and then sen benny gone be here

we gone get our chill on dawg (tommy voice)

all of us cant wait to go camping

we go a few times LOL

its so relaxing out there

no cell fone service

just you and nature

its really humbling

its something that i learned from my granny and her brother my uncle jack may the BOTH rest is peace and power with GOD i love and miss you both...

and i try to let them live through me and the things that i do with my kids

and hopefully when im gone, my kids can let me live through them by keeping me alive in their lives

so this year should be much easier than last year HAAAAAAAA

we were clueless as a mutha fucka LOL

aye u know whats crazy cuz you know ur kids get older

they start understanding the world and how it works and they start lookin at you differently

cuz you go from being the person who knows everything, the person with all the answers

to just being a regular person who knows some things and not others

so last year i saw my oldest son sen (12 goin on 13) kinda realizing like i didnt know how to do the tent LOL

like we were ALL figuring it out TOGETHER at the same time as a FAMILY

and thats what im looking forward to this year

you know last year i even thought it was a good idea to take my cats out there

CAMPING

in the WOODS

NOT A GOOD IDEA LOL

mental note for this time

NO CATS

julian kept sneaking out and making us chase him all around in the pitch black darkness of the woods SMH

so anyways i talked to sen today and gave him that final pep talk to try to get him thru the rest of the year

he's restless

he's ready to be on vaca and i honestly cant blame him

so anyways i didnt want too much

im up cleaning and such while the kiddos is sleep


talk 2u soon fam ♥


Saturday, April 28, 2012

without you


If you had a choice
then what would you choose, to do?
I can live without money,
I can live without the fame and
if every day was sunny I can live
without the rain and if I ever went
up to heaven I will fall right back
down that life wouldnt be living,
cause your the one I couldn't live without.

If I couldn't blink will I still
be able to see you.
I couldn't imagine
without arms could I reach,
no way could I ever hold you
I need these things, like I need you,
if you had a choice what would you choose .

I can live without money, I can live without
the fame and if every day was sunny
I can live without the rain and if I ever
went up to heaven I will fall right back
down that life wouldnt be living,
cause your the one I couldn't live without.

If I couldn't dream would I believe
that there can be a you and me and
if I couldn't sing would you be able
to hear my melody, I know that somethings
wrong and im afraid that your moving on ,
how can I fly when your my wings?
I need these things, like I need you,
if you had a choice what would you choose.

I can live without money, I can live
without the fame and if every day was sunny
I can live without the rain and
if I ever went up to heaven
I will fall right back down
that life wouldnt be living,
cause your the one I couldn't live without.

You can take it all from me,
and it wouldn't mean anything,
turn the whole world against me
as long as you don't leave.
Its getting hard for me to sleep,
even harder for me to breath.
Im used to life with you,
tell me what I need to do.

I can live without money, I can live
without the fame and if every day
was sunny I can live without the rain and
if I ever went up to heaven
I will fall right back down
that life wouldnt be living,
cause your the one I couldn't live without.

Friday, April 27, 2012

i belong to you


You are the flame in my heart
You light my way in the dark
You are the ultimate star

You pick me up from above
Your unconditional love
Takes me to paradise

I belong to you
And you
You belong to me too

You make my life complete
You make me feel so sweet

You make me feel so divine
Your soul and mine are entwined
Before you I was blind

But since I've opened my eyes
And with you there's no disguise
So I could open up my mind

I always loved you from the start
But I could not figure out
That I had to do it everyday

So I put away the fright
Now I'm gonna live my life
Giving you the most in every way

I belong to you
And you
You belong to me too

You make my life complete
You make me feel so sweet

Oh I belong to you
I belong to you
And you, you
You belong to me too

You make my life complete
You make me feel so sweet

Oh I belong to you
I belong to you
And you, you
You belong to me too

You make my life complete
You make my life complete
You make me feel so sweet


almost doesnt count


Almost made you love me
Almost made you cry
Almost made you happy, babe
Didn't I didn't I
You almost had me thinkin'
You were turned around
But everybody knows
Almost doesn't count

Almost heard you saying
You were finally free
What was always missing for you, baby
You'd found it in me
But you can't get to heaven
Half off the ground
Everybody knows
Almost doesn't count

I can't keep on lovin' you
One foot outside the door
I hear a funny hesitation
Of a heart that's never really sure
Can't keep on tryin'
If you're looking for more
Than all that I could give you
Than what you came here for

Gonna find me somebody
Not afraid to let go
Want a no doubt be there kind of man
You came real close
But everytime you built me up
You only let me down
And everybody knows
Almost doesn't count

Maybe you'll be sorry
Maybe you'll be cold
Maybe you'll come runnin' back, baby
From the cruel cruel world
Almost convince me
You're gonna stick around
But everybody knows
Almost doesn't count

So maybe I'll be here
Maybe I'll see ya around
That's the way it goes
Almost doesn't count

never gonna let you go


If I had one wish, boy, I'd wish you next to me
And it could be in summer, fall or spring, boy
'Cause you make my heart sing
I wanna give my heart, my soul, my love to you, oh baby, yeah
'Cause everyday I'm not with you, I'm missing you like crazy
I need for you to

 love me, hold me, touch me
Down deep in my soul, never let it go
Of the love we share, no one compares to you
I'll never let you go 'cause I really love you so, oh I
I'll never let you go, oh no

You must know the truth, boy, I'm nothing without you
It's funny how I know what people mean, boy
When it's too good to be true because you give me joy
Good love, good times, such happiness, oh yeah
And everyday I thank the Lord for you, I feel so blessed
I need for you to

 love me, hold me, touch me
Down deep in my soul, never let it go
Of the love we share, no one compares to you
I'll never let you go, 'cause I really love you so, oh I
I'll never let you go, oh no, oh no

If you only knew what you really do
Ain't never had no one that does it quite like you do
You could spend half a lifetime trying to find one like you
That's why I am so glad I found you, baby
I wished upon a star and it came true
Darling, I need for you to

I need you to love me, hold me, touch me
Down deep in my soul, never let it go
Of the love we share, no one compares to you
I'll never let you go 'cause I really love you so, oh I
I'll never let you go, oh no, oh no

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

summer riding

sooooooooo i have definitely been out there getting my bike on,

getting a super sexy tan LOL

fresh air, ALL that! so um,,,

today me and the kids went to the "world" famous pawn shop from "pawn stars"

they were taping when we got there.

so... basically we had to wait outside,

while they did a 30 minute taping,

i met their publicist LOL

she told amil not to sit in front of the door way

they wont even let you peek in the window theres this guy who puts his hand in your face to block you from seeing shit

think about that job

just lowkey blockin all day

so it was pretty cool in there they had alot of old shit in there

antiques and such.

he said he liked one of my knives LOL

cant have it !!!

they had some super dooper old ass guns

they wanted alot for them too like 12,000

they has sculptures in their for 30,000

it was cool

alot of useless shit that you either have to collect

or just have thousands to blow on bullshit

i asked this one guy what this one thing was
it was the light or lamp off of a ship

it was like 12,000 also

Ginsu knives

everything u never knew u wanted

santana was like u can buy granny this betty boop picture it was like 800

how about not today LOL

so anyways, we will be on another adventure 2moro

adventures everyday until i die






Thursday, April 19, 2012

phenomenal woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,

It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenally.
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.






Maya Angelou

Sunday, April 15, 2012

great sunday

so today was just absolutely gorgeous in las vegas

i left the truck at home and we all took off biking

we went to the bank
then the grocery store.

stopped and picked flowers

and then we biked home.

the kids had a water fight while i cooked tacos

then they ate.

then back outside they went to play with martins bad butt lol

then amil came in cuz her finally got tired

now she's napping

im watching tv and finna eat again cuz the tacos is bomb.com

and santanas still outside.

i am poopalooped

im ready to just relax and get ready for this up coming week.

just tryna keep in mind that summer is just around the corner.

staying up late

sleeping in all day

biking around

getting sunshine

fresh air

enjoying the free time we have together

i gotta patch things up with the people i care about.

i been lowkey goin ham and i really dont mean to

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

YES

ok, so im tired of holding on to grudges
im to lazy for that shit so for every and anybody who has ever done me wrong

or pissed me off

said the wrong thing

done the wrong thing

assumed the wrong thing

whatever the case may be

i just wanna forgive

because it really is true when they say that forgiving is for yourself
not the other person

now im not sayin we finna be best friends

or even friends at all

im just sayin

alll the negative energy

and crazy shit i prolly have thought about doing to you in the past

im not goin there no more


mentally its too draining

it means i still give an inkling of a fuck

and i dont

so im not gonna give you even any more brain energy

you not worth it

no one is but GOD

so thats who i want to occupy my heart
and my mind

my thoughts

i want my life to be whole and pure

and full

and blessed

and how can i possibly have any of that, if i spend my free time thinking of how people did me foul?

life is not fair

we just have to deal with the storms when they come

and ima try to start saving money cause i be spending spending man

not cool

so anyways everyone

have a blessed day

week

praise GOD

enjoy the breath you have in your lungs

the life you have

pray for 2moro

and make a difference in someone's life

when you die what type of mark are you gonna leave on the world?

remember that people always will remember the bad twice as fast as they remember the good in you

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Easter 2012

First and foremost i wanna say Happy Easter to everyone

and give praise to the Lord Jesus Christ who has risen again!

secondly and with great sadness i want to say that yesterday my uncle Jack Neff passed and went home to God.

i wanna give praise and acknowledgement for all that he has done in my life and i want to share some of it with you.

Jack Neff was my granny's bigger brother.

He lived in Oregon with my Aunt Helen.

My Granny took me and taj to oregon every single summer to hang with aunt helen and uncle jack.

it was so FUN

they took us everywhere

we went swimming in lakes,

running in sand dunes,

visited bat caves,

saw the great sequoia trees,

random beaches all over northern Cali.

camping, hiking, fishing,

they knew how to do it all

i cant imagine what my aunt helen is feeling i PRAY for her and her family...
my cousins

my uncle jack will be sorely sorely missed

he taught me how to catch LIVE fishing bait LOL

he would throw you a worm every blue moon

but he expected yo ass to catch a bag full of crickets tho LOL

he made the BEST homemade fruit roll ups,

jam, jelly

he farmed

i mean, there wasnt anything i didnt admire this man for

he was very peaceful

yet really witty LMAOOO

uncle jack i am going to miss you very much

and i truly regret that i havent been down there in many many years

i even more regret the fact that none of my children ever had the pleasure and the grace of meeting you

i promise you that i will try to each them everything that you have taught me and my family in my lifetime

i will try everything that i can to continue to let your legacy life forever

i love you uncle jack ♥

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

How to love

You had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn't never figure out
How to love, how to love
You had a lot of moments that didn't last forever

Now you in a corner tryna put it together
How to love, how to love, for a second you were here
why you over there, it's hard not to stare the way you moving
Your body, like you never had a love, never had a love

When you is just a young'un your looks but so precious
But now you're grown up, so fly it's like a blessing
But you can't have a man look at you for five seconds
Without you being insecure

You never credit yourself so when you got older
It's seems like you came back ten times over
Now you're sitting here in this damn corner
Looking through all your thoughts and looking over your shoulder

See, you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn't never figure out
How to love, how to love
You had a lot of moments that didn't last forever

Now you in a corner tryna put it together
How to love, how to love, for a second you were here
why you over there, it's hard not to stare the way you moving
Your body, like you never had a love, never had a love

You had a lot of dreams that transform to visions
The fact that you saw the world affected all your decisions
But it wasn't your fault, wasn't in your intentions
to be the one here talking to me, the one to listen

But I admire your poppin' bottles and pimpin'
Just as much as you admire bartending and stripping
Baby, so don't be mad, nobody else trippin'
You seen a lot of crooks and crooks still crook

See, you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn't never figure out
How to love, how to love
See, you had a lot of moments that didn't last forever

Now you in this corner tryna put it together
How to love, how to love

See I just want you to know that you deserve the best
You're beautiful, you're beautiful
Yeah, and I want you to know
You're far from the usual, far from the usual

See, you had a lot of crooks
Tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn't never figure out
How to love, how to love

See, you had a lot of moments
That didn't last forever
Now you in this corner tryna put it together
How to love, how to love

See, you had a lot of crooks
Tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn't never figure out
How to love, how to love

See, you had a lot of moments
That didn't last forever
Now you in this corner tryna put it together
How to love, how to love