Thursday, March 15, 2012

wiring

so im watching how i met your mother

its the episode where ted was waiting for the slutty pumpkin

and robin, (who always reminds myself of me)

was on a halloween date

but wasnt into her date at all

he wanted to dress up as hansel and gretel

he showed up and hansel

she wore no costume

he wanted to feed her off his plate

she wouldnt let him

and everytime he said the word we
she corrected him with
you and i

and he ended up leaving their date early and dumping her

because she didnt wanna be with him as much as she wanted to be alone

she enjoyed HIM

but enjoyed being single more than that

and she asked ted

what was wrong with her?

she said she WANTED the love, and closeness and being goofy and silly with someone

but when she found herself in the position to do that

she didnt

she was actually mean about it

and thats how i feel

i feel exactly like robin

i want aaaaaaaaall that

the fairytale

but when i have someone offering that

even throwing themselves at me

i get real scared.

the advise ted gave her was that he's out there she just hasnt met him yet

he said that when she meets him she'll WANT to be goofy

want to be a we

want to share dessert and eat off each others plate

and fall asleep in each others arms

have you ever had a connection like that with someone??

it is so unreal
and spiritual

the minutes the hours and days and weeks and years

all equal the same amount of time

time stands still.
you could sleep all day in their arms,

you smell their neck, their armpits
everything

you breathe them in deep and its literally like you're in heaven
almost scared to open your eyes and let the moment fade

you look at them and smile

you think about them and remember

you look at them and your soul throws a thousand words

you have to touch them

you have to know its real

you listen to them talk all day just to hear his voice.

you stare at that same picture that never gets old

you replay that last conversation you had

and you plan everyday of the rest of your life with them

you even factor in death (well i do ) LOL

im ME LOL LOL

when you have had something that great and lost it

when that chance comes around again

its SCARY

anyone that knows me
knows i give my entire heart and soul to the people i love

i cant separate myself from them

i become one with them

and its emotionally tolling

because even when you get attached to the wrong person

it becomes hard to separate from them

so you finally leave the situation

now you're alone

and want that connection again

but youre not sure if youre gonna take that gamble again

at least thats what it is for me right now

and i sit here and i ask myself the same question robin just asked herself

am i ever gonna take that chance again

am i ever gonna have that sacred love again like i had before?

its a hard tale to tell.

and who really knows the outcome.

we all are wired to be who GOD created us to be.

im still trying to relax give my life to GOD, let HIM steer and just enjoy the ride

i wanna be comfortable with me
and my wiring :)