Thursday, March 15, 2012

updating the requirements

so im sitting here enjoying a quiet morning to myself,\

kinda in thought.

im been talking to GOD alot and im trying to see whos being sent to me as a distraction and who is sent to me from GOD

you know its crazy in life we end these relationships, friendships and bonds

and we think we're never gonna see that person, talk to them, hear their voice

and then outta nowhere they are shoved back into your life

i recently got back in touch with the first boyfriend i ever had,

my "first" u know (v word)

this man has professed love for me for over 15 years.

even though we loose contact, we always reconnect

he has been literally calling my children his kids for 12 years.

after i had my oldest son, he always embraced him
and to this day

he embraces me and all 3 of my kids

he wants kids with me

he wants a daughter LOL he got sons but no girl

he said he wants to look at me forever

take care of me forever

make up for the past 15 years

he says ive been fighting it for too long and that we should be together

he wants to move in

be a family

he wants everything i want

so why isnt my decison easy??

have i been fighting him for 15 years?

are we truly soul mates, meant to be together and take care of each other until we have to go back home to GOD?

ive always been the sole provider for my kids.
well KAY and i

we're kinda like a team lol

im laughing right now cuz our family is very abstract

but i know that i need someone in my life for ME

i deserve it

and if theres someone

willing to sell their soul almost

break there back day in and day out just to see you smile

y would i deny myself that??

maybe it IS time for me to let my gaurds down and really see where this can go

because in this life you have to have someone everyday to support you and build up what the world has stripped from you

someone to nurture you and uplift your soul

someone that can make you feel like the richest woman alive

the most beautiful

the smartest

the most capable

i dont think that i am any of these things

but i know someone that thinks i am ALL of those things

his attraction to me before was kinda annoying i have to be real

but when u realize that there are very few people that will put you ahead of themselves,

all the calls and texts, and messages back and forth dont seem so annoying anymore

it makes me feel special
that out of his busy day he still has time to call

that he asks about "his" kids

he hasnt ever seen a picture of me and hasnt told me i wasnt beautiful

he's never seen me in person and hadnt done everything in his power to make me blush

maybe its time to update the requirements i give myself

cuz i am a DAMN good woman

with a heart of gold

and i need someone that knows that
and realizes it
appreciates it

wants it

if a man wants to leave nothing can make him stay.
and when a man truly loves you, nothing can keep him away ♥

u have to have someone that you can talk to
laugh with
feel safe to be embarrassed around

you have to be able to tell them your deepest fears

cry on them

is how your souls are gonna stay connected

without communication you have NOTHING

my heart thought i had something
but it was deceiving me

because like i said without communication you have NOTHING

and i lost the communication with this person

the road split

but thats ok,

it just means that we are on 2 different roads

and when that happens
naturally the next step is loss of communication

loss of the bond

loss of love

communication can be the difference between you telling the story about "the one"
and "the one who got away"

communicate people

share you soul with people