Saturday, March 3, 2012

learning how to understand GOD

so you guys know i poured my little heart out the other day,

and then the next day like some lowkey shit went down

so im thinking i got a bad sign
bad news

totally the OPPOSITE of what i was asking GOD

and i was kinda mad about the shit

hurt

then GOD spoke to me thru someone else

and the message HE delivered almost made my cry

tears of sheer JOY

because now i know that everything ive been doing the past few years isnt in vein

and i feel like the plan that i had once built

the plan that faded

suddenly jumped right back in front of me

my hope came back

because i had lost ALL hope

i lost faith in love
and anybody that knows me
knows, im a hopeless romantic

LMAO like forreal tho

and that part of me had died.

and ima tell u smething even MORE personal
yall all know about my abstinence,
its been apart of my spiritual journey...

but lately ive been going out on dates, at least trying to open up to people

and i didnt even want to do that anymore.

i totally cut myself off from intimacy

and i couldnt figure out why,

im not anti sexual
anyone who knows me (extremely extremely well)
knows im not a prude like that

but lately i WAS that very prude

i thought that i was uncomfortable with closeness and intimacy but im not

i only want it with one person

and GOD needs me to be patient right now

and to continue to have faith in HIM

and the reason i know that he's the one

is because just at the thought of it all

i flutter ♥

i wish i could hear your laugh right now babe.

i will soon enough

i will forever

GOD has ordained us.

i have no fear.

i have complete FAITH in YOU

i hope that you have faith in me also

cuz even tho i miss you

i will knock the hell outta u if you try to trip when u see me ;)

i loooooooooove you to no end my guy

i aint even gonna get on the reality and the dirtiness of it all

cuz that shit had me crying earlier

another man had to try to make me smile after that
but you trust him with all your soul

so i know you wont mind


its gonna take me some time to get over that one

but i love you

so im gonna have to shake it
cuz you have the rest of your life to make it up to me and the kids

u have to make it up to santana too cuz he is so hurt

he'll never tell you

but he was disappointed when you didnt come when u said you were.

we all were crushed.

but anyways i hope to see you soon.

im holding the family down in your absence.