Monday, December 17, 2012

end of 2012

so, its here, only one week till Santa makes his rounds!!!

i am TOOO ready.

we have 2 trees :)

a colorful one and a classic white lit one.

we're not gonna decorate them tho until big brother gets out here :) i cant wait to see sen

the kids are so excited to have big brother down here for Christmas and new years!!!

i cant believe how fast the year has flown by!!!

so anyways, the presents are wrapped and hidden, ready to suprise the little ones

they been tryna find the gifts but im 2 steps ahead pf them of course LOL

its been a SUPER great year and i feel really really blessed.

got my court stuff over with for the time being...

and just ready to begin another great year.

possibly thinking about moving...

i need more room. just hate to leave this place

i love it soooooo LOL

but we are definitely out growing it.

less than 2 months to go until the baby comes

already got my support system on stand by

and a back up to the back up :)

when you stay ready you aint gotta GET ready!!

so anyways my little turtle doves.

keep the CT children on your mind, in your prayers, and on your heart.

remember that 2moro isnt promised.

to you OR your little ones.

6 might not see 7.

7 might not see 8.

just remember how extremely blessed you are to open your eyes every single day.

its a blessing that many many innocent people will never get to experience.

so anyways happy holidays to you all.

spread love ♥

Saturday, November 24, 2012

getting ready for Christmas

now that Thanksgiving is over with, its time for Christmas !!!!

i already got my plans on sen coming out.

and we hit some stores on black thursday and friday LOL

so i hope everyone had a good and blessed turkey day

look at how FAST time flies when you're having fun!!!

so anyways ima get off here and enjoy my weekend

enjoy this long holiday break

and get ready for the rest of this holiday season

my brother is still out here so we good.

love you all

and may u all be where u need to be in life.

Saturday, November 17, 2012


so today Santana had a football game,
the team has been begging me to feed them all again,

so against my wishes i took my grill
about 100 hotdogs and buns and went to work

i am so TIRED

he won the game!!! which was a big thing for them since that team is undefeated

i stayed for his game, which was from 9 to 10

then also cooked for varsity which played from 10 to 11...

at least all the kids and faculty were happy

and i get a break for the next few weekends

can you guys believe that thanksgiving is next week??


and my birthday is the 26th!!!! yea me!!!!!

i LOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE the holidays!!!

we already broke our tree out like a week ago

and we been watching Christmas movies and listening to our carols etc.

giving spirit to the world!~!!!!!

so anyways im really not here to say much!

i am tired as a hebrew slave

and i intend on giving myself a nice long nap after all the work i did today for my son, his school, and his team!

and his really attractive coach LMAO

let me stop

*spanking myself* BAD CHASE!!!!!

;)  anywaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaays

everyone enjoy your holidays

i pray everyone has a wonderful holiday season

look at how FAST this year went by

less than like 45 days left in this entire year!!!

which i cant wait for because i need January to come!!!!

my body is waiting for recovery!!

and i have boytoys to play with LMAO


to all the losers that havent gotten the hint yet

you can KNOCK at my door all day and night buddy

you had your chance,

you fucked it up

now get back to your OWN Life and leave me BE

i dont wanna see you

my kids dont wanna see you

everytime i think about you

i throw up in my mouth a little.

save yourself the trip,

the embarrassment

the humiliation...

how many times do we have to have the same talk??

if i remember correctly the last time i banged on you, i told you to never come over again and to not call me...

you told me i didnt have to WORRY about seeing you again~~~

but you lied...

you still be trying to pop up...

you KNOW who you are...

you're the one who never gets LOVE

never HAVE and never WILL

go bother the other 3 B.M.'s you got...


Tuesday, November 13, 2012


ok, so im at the point where im goin to the dr every 2 weeks


i am loving my new fone!! i havent seen any down side yet

or found anything that i cant do from this thing!

just enjoying home and life right now.

santana and sen are busy playing football

and amil is busy using all the baby's stuff before he gets here LMAO

she uses it but she wont let anyone else TOUCH it (go figure)

so anyways just making a quick run to the library

amil has picked out her books and movies and we're on the way to walk home

i promised myself to get more exercise these next few months

cant wait to get back into shape

get back on my cruiser

back in the streets

with the fresh air

its AMAZING how good exercise makes you feel


love you all

toddle oooooooooooooooooh

Monday, November 5, 2012

wow talk about m.i.a LOL

ok so just on here briefly!

im starting my 3rd trimester on thursday, gettin ready for these last few months!

cant wait for the new year

cant wait for my bestie to coach me thru this birth...

i hope everyone is enjoying life

staying drama free

 and relishing in GODS blessings

thanks to everyone who checks on me

and plays a POSITIVE role in my everyday life

love u all

Saturday, July 21, 2012


sooo today was a hard one for all of us

sen had to go back home already :(

but he's gonna be playin football for the first time

he wanted to move back here

but i want him to honor his commitments that he makes to other people

even himself

if you say you gonna do something


so back home he went

he caught the bus by himself which was scary for all of us

we are NOT used to him being a teen

he told his dad when he got there that he wasnt ready to leave us :(

and that he wants us to move back to l.a.

and when amil figured out we were leaving the bus station without sen

she started HITTING everybody and told us to leave her alone!!! she loves sen so much

so i already know everything will work out for the best

i have the UTMOST faith in GOD

what im having a hard time with is this horrible sickness
it just wont give me a break

im steady losing weight

and i cant eat anything :(

praying on it

so anyways everybody enjoy life

thank GOD for how far he's brought you

and isnt that a tragedy about what happened in colorado??

people are truly sick

youngest casualty 6 years old oldest 51

i cant imagine what those families is feeling

you cant even go to a movie opening anymore

who would go through all that trouble?

how much hatred is that???

seems like a lot of SELF hatred projected onto a lot of innocent people

makes me sick

i pray for GODS children

so anyways let me get back to my tea...

hopefully it'll give me some relief and some shut eye after that :)

Wednesday, July 18, 2012


i love everyone who is embracing their natural hair these days

weaves are so played

anyone and everyone can go buy someone elses NICE hair

what about YOUR shit

as you guys know i locked my hair back up

im also using some really nice organic dread soaps lately too

i need things to be gentle on my hair, my daughters and also gentle and kind on the earth

some of my friends are lockin their hair up

always trend setting LOL


although this is my second set of dreads.

i have my first set in a glass vase in my livingroom

and i have all the knowledge from my first set

all of it just made this set so much more gorgeous

so anyways just spreading a little love

my uncle is locking his hair, some other friends and fam

cant wait to see everyone's rockin locks

and people try being more natural

women judge their beauty by what they can put on their face

i can wipe your beauty off

what about YOU is beautiful?

your store bought hair?

your mac make up?

if thats the case anyone can buy those things and be just as beautiful as you

did GOD not create you beautiful as you are?

embrace who you are, what you are

your OWN hair

your real skin tone

Thursday, July 12, 2012

fit for royals

In todays society, dreadlocks are misunderstood. 
They are often thought of as dirty, low-class, representing homelessness, drug use, or a desire to be part of another culture. 

However, the truth is that dreads were often the sign of royalty and holiness throughout history. 

They predate the Jamaican / Rastafarian culture that they are most often associated with today by thousands of years. 

Dreads were worn by kings and pharaohs,
 holy men, 
gurus, and philosophers since the earliest known times. 
They were a part of every civilization, religion and culture.

Dreadlocks were worn by many figures in the bible, as well as famous pharaohs of Egypt;King Tut's dreadlocks still survive to this day.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

remembering my granny

so i was taking a shower earlier and in the bathroom under the sink are my birkenstock's

and i immediately thought of my granny

i decided to share my memory with you~~~

so a few years back, on my granny's LAST trip to oregon to see her brother Jack (rest in peace)
my aunt helen gave my granny a really nice pair of birki's

my granny used to be a sandal wearer, but the older she got and the more times she broke her toes, eventually she just stopped wearing sandals all together

my aunt helen, who ONLY wears sandals LOL BIRKENSTOCKS to the death!!!
gave my granny a pair for her birthday,

so i go over to visit her, im asking about oregon and aunt helen, uncle jack

and she shows me her new shoes

i was ON them they were so cute

so i was like granny can i wear em??

"NO, helen gave me these for my birthday... they're supposed to help my feet"

me: "ok granny"


"hey punkin... try these sandals on, if you like them you can have em."


there wasnt ANYTHING


this woman WOULD NOT DO FOR ME

she showed me day in and day out what TRUE unconditional love was

and because of her

i know HOW to truly love someone and make them feel like they are the only person that matters to me

and i also know how to seek that out

i have a best friend that loves me like that

thank you LORD for blessing me with such an outstanding example of LOVE

i miss u granny ♥ love you

Thursday, July 5, 2012

my gifts

so im sitting here.
loving life
enjoying my morning

and im sitting here thanking GOD
for making me feel worthy

HE has blessed me with so MUCH

i feel like my heart is about to burst

i just cant find anything to complain about right now

and i have to shout it out to the world!!

i have a wonderful, supportive family

gorgeous, smart, kids

i have my health

great friends :)

a nice apartment,

antiques :)

a nice truck

a cool bike and bike trailer (even though i havent been exercising lately)

i had a great camping trip

ive removed BULLSHIT and BULLSHITTERS out my life

havent had a whole ot of drama since last year :)

2012 for the most part has cracked!!!

have never been closer to my bestfriend

she loves me completely and wholly and i couldnt ask for a better person

i dont think she knows how much i love her :)

so anyways just up praising GOD for HIS mercy and understanding

HIS compassion and love.

which i could never live without

LORD i thank YOU today and everyday for your abundance in my life

may YOU forever keep me humble and under YOUR grace

please be merciful to me and understand my pain

my life is in YOUR hands on YOUR terms

never let my stubbornness deceive YOU

KNOW My heart LORD


i worship YOU

take all of me and my family

we are YOURS to mold

let the enemy fall
his plans fail

and let me not be deceived by the devil

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

ive got sunshine

so my rainbow shone down on me for a while today ...

i missed seeing it...

so judgmental...

but i guess we all judge things through our own eyes.

everytime i start running towards my rainbow though...

by the time i get close its GONE

not to bee seen or heard from

like it was never there

there is ALOT i wish i could take back

but im OLD enough to know there is NO rewind button on anything in life

only whats in front of you

i was tired of fighting for this elusive rainbow that i only heard of

i felt like i could never hold it in my arms.

only in my dreams

so why do i long for this rainbow still?

maybe i just long for what for what i think this rainbow will be like if i catch it.

you ever want something so bad that when you get it

it just doesnt live up to what youve built in your mind??


ive said it time and time again

we live in our minds

im not the perfect creature you thought i was

you not perfect either.

the only thing perfect is my rainbow

i have a picture of my rainbow on the wall.

a beautiful picture of perfection...

i have the card you made.

the smile you smiled

i love you...

i know it doesnt mean anything

but it means the world to me.

i sit back and as time passes and more time goes by

the pieces fit together.

even the lies and deceit...

but i still love you

i love the rain before the rainbow

the pieces that never fit together the right way

the way you made everything seem ok

thank you for your ray...

as brief as my rainbow was

it was still there

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

2012 mount charleston

so  i cant get all into it. cuz im pressed for time, on the way to henderson in a few...

BUT camp was such a success!!!

we went to a different part of mt. charleston (i wont tell you which part cuz its MINES ALL MINES)

seriously i dont wanna share wit yall niggas


its way beautiful

super quiet

and less crowded that the other parts of the mountain.
i literally felt like we owned the place

there was no other campers in sight.

we had almost the entire campgrounds to ourselves

we saw lots of wildlife out there

a herd of wild mustangs came extremely close to us LOL

mad squirrels and chipmunks

i was throwing trail mix every where LOL

they LOVE me

they was eating everything i throw

nuts, raisins, lemons, you name it

i learned how TO GRILL FINALLY!!!!

no more asking a MAN for fresh grilled food!!!


i been gettin my grill ON!!!! fuckin chicken hot dogs, chicken burgers, turkey burgers, beef steaks LOL

ALL baby!!!!!

so anyways we're back (for now)

and im tired

i need to rest for a while

then back to normal life :)

proud of someone very special to me ♥


i see you

i know youre there baby

see you when i see you ♥

even if its next lifetime

bye everybody

enjoy life

im enjoying it

even amongst my morning sickness and barfing everywhere
 make due with what GOD gave you

Wednesday, June 27, 2012


first and foremost i would like to thank my sweet customers for checking on me :)

i KNOW i havent been in contact/touch the way i usually would be.

as most of you know by now i just recently picked up my first born from l.a.

so its kids TIMES 3

plus a pregnancy thats been keeping me in the bed most of the day

HOWEVER i am NOT on a full vacation

as i do MOST summers im working on an ABBREVIATED schedule

so im trying to do my best to work you ALL In

and around our summer festivities.

with that being said i should let you guys know
that i WILL be gone most likely from the 1st of july to the 4th

we will be on VACA in mt. charleston

if any of you guys have ever been you know there's NO cell service anywhere NEAR the mountain

hence me reaching out to guys NOW

i wanna get schedules worked out

so i wont come back to HECTICNESS LOL

anyways as usual you guys in the mean time can reach me by email

on FB

or on twitter @imchase

thank you again for being so patient and kind and understanding to my current circumstances...


cant wait to make beautiful art with you :)

partial REPOST > beware

I wanted to post up a blog about our serious landfill problem.
we are running out of space to put our trash people and there isnt any more room to spare.

are you aware that when the trash leaves our houses and dumpsters it gets dumped in some landfill where it just sits! Eventually it may get burned and buried underground sealed in a plastic "Tupperware" sealed kind of thing., but even still we only have so much room for that.

I am an avid re cycler, re user, thrift storer etc etc.

there any many many ways to help our planet.

and that doesnt always necessarily mean sorting your plastics, glasses, and cans. even though thats a GREAT place to start ♥

it also can mean re using things after their initial use.
turn that old milk gallon into a bird feeder. etc.

We can all still be consumers, but you have to watch they way you buy.
and WHERE you buy.

anyways I just wanted to speak on an issue that is important to me.
I instill it in my kids.
and I hope the good word lands on a patient ear :)

here are some pictures of other countries that there landfills are FULL they have NO room for anything else and they are LITERALLY living in trash.

i bet they never thought it could happen

but it did

look at how badly weve destroyed our planet already

global warming

depleted ozone

losing land mass to water

we are killing our planet

this is a partial REPOST with added information

i posted this almost a year ago

and we still have the same problem

i DO however see a partial improvement

i see more people using public transportaion
biking etc which is extremely kind on nature

but i still see trash everywhere

so here are pictures of our FUTURE

if we as a people dont start to care about our environment anymore this is what we're creating


Monday, June 25, 2012

summer time SEN

sooooo in a few horas we finna get my sen ben...
bring him home for the summer. or at least part of it.


MORE prepared than last year
and ready to have 3 times the fun!!!

gonna plan WAAAAY better than i did last year

although we DID have enough food juice snacks for 3 almost 4days i think

anyways, gonna try to pack even MORE food n stuff this year

got some nice big coolers to bring

pads to pad the ground better

not gonna bring the cats :/

the baby bigger

so we will all be able to do MORE

its gonna be interesting i do KNOW that

but it feels so good to get away from it all

the tv

the heat

the noise

the people

its just you and what GOD has made for you

wonder at it

marvel it

all in all im excited

i cant even sleep

i wanna get on the road NOW

patience is virtue chase LOL

one i am STILL workin on.

so anyways im not here to say too much,

killin time since i cant sleep

enjoying my new neighbors

the other units in the courtyard are almost finished

the ones that got damaged last year in the fire

so eventually there will be alot of new blood in this courtyard

the old neighbors that moved out have been here for years

probably 15 or more

ive been here 6 years already

and im one of the babys LOL the new booty

so anyways

GOD bless you all

enjoy your summers

your vacation

your family

your life

2moro isnt promised

and stop lettin the devil make you feel like you dont have

do you have Christ??

then you have it ALL!!!

Thursday, June 21, 2012

getting back on traaaaaack

i had the whackest week ever but im turning my shit aroung riiiiiiiiight NOW

you really learn alot from being around someone 24 hours out the day.

you can know someone for 17 years and never KNOW them...

niggaz on that SELF righteous bullshit but thats COO

i paid $200.00 to get this asshole outta my life.

money well spent ;)

so im on my journey

and im excited to see what life is finna bring me

for the final time

im NOT moving right now

i would have to be super persuaded and like get with lil wayne or something to move

and even then i would still wanna keep this place low key

i feel comfortable here

now i know why my white grandparents stayed in the middle of south central

even though they had more than enough money to move

they loved it there!!!

they loved the neighborhood

the neighbors

the community

and it wasnt about loving the hood

anyone that knows my grandparents knows that they didnt even view life like that

i believe they truly loved their home

and they felt safe

thats how i feel for the mostpart

i had someone try to take that away
make this house sad and unsafe

because thats how they felt

i almost left here

and im SOOO glad that i didnt

i have the sweetest neighbors i really do

and im not talking about the people that even live around me on the other blocks

im talking about the people in my courtyard

they're really sweet

and they love the kids.

there is nothing these people dont try to extend to us its really unbelieveable at times

i am truly grateful to them sometimes

so i had a little hiccup in my life

a case of temporary insanity and misjudgement if you will

but i am back to my normal life aside from a HUGE change

a blessing none the less ♥♥♥


new LIFE

with LIFE

so anyways, i am going to enjoy this quiet house.

with just me n mines IN IT

it feels tony the tiger GREAAAAAT i tell you

wouldnt trade this in for the world

and after ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL this time do you know what ive learned about myself ???

ive learned that i LOOOOOOOVE living alone. (aside from kids)

i wiss j boogy was out here

but even she get on my nerve after a few days

and i would die for her

i've always said

im a great 5 minute friend but longevity is NOT my thing

and i dont pretend or fake who i am

you take this shit as it come

or keep walking

my life is TOOOO precious for me to be sitting up here mad

when i have a zillion and 3 things to smile about :)

so everyone

enjoy your life

do WHATEVER you have to
to be happy

GOD wants you to be happy
as often as you can be.

and after i drop this baby ima get me a DOPE ass black widow tattoo♥

cuz thats how i feel i am

i need u for a second

because i cant make this miracle alone

but afterwards

i will discard you

eat you alive

kill you

and continue with life and my blessing

without even remembering who you ever were

;) love you *wink*

Saturday, June 16, 2012


2012 father's day is here.

i been so busy with all of us having the flu for over a week that i had completely forgotten

i gotta call my daddy tomorrow.

and other than that ima jus get my relax on.

we still tryna kick this flu

man its a BEAST tho.

the kids is getting better faster than me... still got a little cough and congestion tho..

me i'm still coughing everywhere and my phlegm is GREY literally

its totally disgusting

but i'll b ok

everyone i know is sick

the home gurl easha and her 4 daughter's

naynay n her kids

the 7-11 workers LOL

the weather dipped like 2 weeks ago

and shit aint been the same since.

so anyways im not on here to be on all that i just wanted to say a word to the fathers in the world

and NOT the guys that know how to bust nuts and NOT responsibility

im talking to the guys who take trips to the emergency room in the middle of the night

the guys that havent seen a GUYS NIGHT OUT in years

the ones that cheer lead with their daughter's

the guys that are so absorbed with their kids they havent had a date in 3 years

the guys that meet the women in their lives at a school function

a fund raiser

the fathers that volunteer for the field trips

they bake cookies with their daughters

their clothes are whack because they spend every last cent on their kids


you are the EPITOME of love

your sacrifices are never going to stop paying you back

the love that you show your kids is unbelievable

your job is hard and it pays nothing

it pays you back in stress and gray hairs LOL

and eventually grand kids, graduations,

GOD favors you

and if you never hear it again


continue to put your kids first

and GOD will always put you in the forefront

HAPPY FATHERS DAY 2012!!!! may you be extremely blessed for the rest of your lives ♥

Thursday, May 31, 2012


i KNOW i been posting this shit up everywhere but it just makes me laugh and the shit is so true!! EVERYONE OF EM

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

well well

sooooo, i have a HUGE SECRET!!!!

my best friend j doesnt even know.

she knows EVERYTHING!!! (she's SOON to know)

i just gotta find the right words.

its hard to talk to people who MEAN a lot to me, cuz there's alot of merit behind that. but my life is seriously CHANGING

very fast

and these changes cant be hidden

so, anywho

without saying too TOO much

all i can say is, i should be moving within the year

and also getting married ♥

and neither of those 2 things is the secret!!!

so... u can imagine how i'm feeling over here.


i wish you all a wonderful, happy, GOD driven life.

i swear if you open up your heart to HIM, HE we fulfill your every need and desire

Friday, May 25, 2012


Unsure of what the balance held
I touched my belly overwhelmed
By what I had been chosen to perform
But then an angel came one day
Told me to kneel down and pray
For unto me a man child would be born

Woe this crazy circumstance
I knew his life deserved a chance
But everybody told me to be smart
Look at your career they said,
"Lauryn, baby use your head"
But instead I chose to use my heart

Now the joy of my world is in Zion
Now the joy of my world is in Zion

How beautiful if nothing more
Than to wait at Zion's door
I've never been in love like this before
Now let me pray to keep you from
The perils that will surely come
See life for you my prince has just begun

And I thank you for choosing me
To come through unto life to be
A beautiful reflection of his grace
For I know that a gift so great
Is only one God could create
And I'm reminded every time I see your face

That the joy of my world is in Zion
Now the joy of my world is in Zion
Now the joy of my world is in Zion
Now the joy of my world is in Zion

Marching, marching, marching to Zion
Marching, marching
Marching, marching, marching to Zion


Monday, May 21, 2012

anti social

please forgive my short comings
every one has flaws.

but if there's anyone that claims they "know" me

then you should understand that i dont like to socialize that much

and i always feel misunderstood

Sunday, May 6, 2012

tell him

Let me be patient, let me be kind
Make me unselfish without bein' blind
Though I may suffer, I'll envy it not
And endure what comes, 'cause he's all that I got and tell him

Tell him I need him
Tell him I love him
And it'll be alright

And tell him
Tell him I need him
Tell him I love him
It'll be alright

Now I may have faith, to make mountains fall
But if I lack love, then I am nothin' at all
I can give away, everything I possess
But I'm without love then I have no happiness
I know I'm imperfect and not without sin
But now that I'm older all childish things end and tell him

Tell him I need him
Tell him I love him
It'll be alright

Tell him
Tell him I need him
Tell him I love him
It'll be alright

I'll never be jealous
And I won't be too proud
'Cause love is not boastful
Ooh and love is not loud

Tell him I need him
Tell him I love him
Everything is gonna, is gonna be alright
Ooh, ooh, yeah yeah, oh yeah

Now I may have wisdom and knowledge on earth
But if I speak wrong, ooh, then what is it worth?
See what we now know is nothing compared
To the love that was shown when our lives were spared and tell him

Tell him I need him
Tell him I love him
It'll be alright

Tell him
Tell him I need him
Tell him I love him
It'll be alright

Monday, April 30, 2012

changed the calender

so me and santana already changed our calenders to may

this weekend the mayweather fight BABY!!

and also a FULL moon... how bout them apples?

dam the year whizzin along aintit?

niggaz just yelled happy new years... now its may

thats crazy


im most likely gonna make it a late night tonight.

i got mad shit to do.

but im BLESSED none the less


i wish santana was already out of school and sen too

i love watchin movies with them at like 3 am

the shit we cant watch when muahmuahs is up

she light weight be controlling the tv *excuseme??*

well i didnt come here to say TOOOO much.

just wanna wish everybody a happy summer.

mothers day is coming up this month...

everyone pray for your moms,

visit their graves,

light a candle

sing your moms or in my case my granny's favorite song

do whatever you have to

to keep them alive

on mothers day AND every other day

thats GIVEN to you

STOP waiting for blessings and BE a blessing ♥

words 4the wise

i have learned that life isnt about learning to hide what you do

its about learning to do things that you dont have to hide

owning up to the shit you have done

life gets EXTREMELY hard

if life was all fun and games there wouldnt be a suicide rate

why would anyone wanna hide everything they do?

wouldnt you want your mark on the world to be talked about??

certain people know this about you

others know this

how many YOU'S are you creating?

how can anyone keep up with that?

befriend it

the devil is alive in alot of people

even people you love, people i love

and just like you let the devil go

you let them go too

on the ocean

The moment I been waiting on
And my soul is over flowing
With anxieties and expectations
I'm full of desires
I just want it so bad
You know
And it just seem so real
It's right there
I just want reach out and touch it
Before it all disappears

It feels like
Is passin' me by
Every now and then
It feels like
My ship has gone and sailed away
But I
I gonna be strong
Gotta hold on
It won't be too long

Now the tide is coming near
I see the waves flowing
Out there on the ocean
I know my ship is coming in
Just pass the horizon
And right where the sky ends
Cause out there on the ocean
Know my ship is coming in
But don't leave me hanging
I've been waiting to long
But this moment
My ship has finally come

I would travel to the seven seas

I would even go wherever the wind blows me

I'll do anything to find my destiny
It's like fightin' with gravity
And it's bringin' me down
If this world was really round then tell me how
It's just a moment for you to come around

Now the tide is coming near
I see the waves flowing
Out there on the ocean
I know my ship is coming in
Just pass the horizon
And right where the sky ends
Cause out there on the ocean
Know my ship is coming in
But don't leave me hanging
I've been waiting to long
But this moment
My ship has finally come

Finally you come around
Around, around
I said finally baby

Finally you come (around)
Around, around

Sunday, April 29, 2012

may baby

so yall already know its may one time!!!

mayweather fight on the 5th :) #WHOOMP

should be poppin in vegas!

tourists are definitely UP since the past few years

the recession

school finna be over and then sen benny gone be here

we gone get our chill on dawg (tommy voice)

all of us cant wait to go camping

we go a few times LOL

its so relaxing out there

no cell fone service

just you and nature

its really humbling

its something that i learned from my granny and her brother my uncle jack may the BOTH rest is peace and power with GOD i love and miss you both...

and i try to let them live through me and the things that i do with my kids

and hopefully when im gone, my kids can let me live through them by keeping me alive in their lives

so this year should be much easier than last year HAAAAAAAA

we were clueless as a mutha fucka LOL

aye u know whats crazy cuz you know ur kids get older

they start understanding the world and how it works and they start lookin at you differently

cuz you go from being the person who knows everything, the person with all the answers

to just being a regular person who knows some things and not others

so last year i saw my oldest son sen (12 goin on 13) kinda realizing like i didnt know how to do the tent LOL

like we were ALL figuring it out TOGETHER at the same time as a FAMILY

and thats what im looking forward to this year

you know last year i even thought it was a good idea to take my cats out there


in the WOODS


mental note for this time


julian kept sneaking out and making us chase him all around in the pitch black darkness of the woods SMH

so anyways i talked to sen today and gave him that final pep talk to try to get him thru the rest of the year

he's restless

he's ready to be on vaca and i honestly cant blame him

so anyways i didnt want too much

im up cleaning and such while the kiddos is sleep

talk 2u soon fam ♥

Saturday, April 28, 2012

without you

If you had a choice
then what would you choose, to do?
I can live without money,
I can live without the fame and
if every day was sunny I can live
without the rain and if I ever went
up to heaven I will fall right back
down that life wouldnt be living,
cause your the one I couldn't live without.

If I couldn't blink will I still
be able to see you.
I couldn't imagine
without arms could I reach,
no way could I ever hold you
I need these things, like I need you,
if you had a choice what would you choose .

I can live without money, I can live without
the fame and if every day was sunny
I can live without the rain and if I ever
went up to heaven I will fall right back
down that life wouldnt be living,
cause your the one I couldn't live without.

If I couldn't dream would I believe
that there can be a you and me and
if I couldn't sing would you be able
to hear my melody, I know that somethings
wrong and im afraid that your moving on ,
how can I fly when your my wings?
I need these things, like I need you,
if you had a choice what would you choose.

I can live without money, I can live
without the fame and if every day was sunny
I can live without the rain and
if I ever went up to heaven
I will fall right back down
that life wouldnt be living,
cause your the one I couldn't live without.

You can take it all from me,
and it wouldn't mean anything,
turn the whole world against me
as long as you don't leave.
Its getting hard for me to sleep,
even harder for me to breath.
Im used to life with you,
tell me what I need to do.

I can live without money, I can live
without the fame and if every day
was sunny I can live without the rain and
if I ever went up to heaven
I will fall right back down
that life wouldnt be living,
cause your the one I couldn't live without.

Friday, April 27, 2012

i belong to you

You are the flame in my heart
You light my way in the dark
You are the ultimate star

You pick me up from above
Your unconditional love
Takes me to paradise

I belong to you
And you
You belong to me too

You make my life complete
You make me feel so sweet

You make me feel so divine
Your soul and mine are entwined
Before you I was blind

But since I've opened my eyes
And with you there's no disguise
So I could open up my mind

I always loved you from the start
But I could not figure out
That I had to do it everyday

So I put away the fright
Now I'm gonna live my life
Giving you the most in every way

I belong to you
And you
You belong to me too

You make my life complete
You make me feel so sweet

Oh I belong to you
I belong to you
And you, you
You belong to me too

You make my life complete
You make me feel so sweet

Oh I belong to you
I belong to you
And you, you
You belong to me too

You make my life complete
You make my life complete
You make me feel so sweet

almost doesnt count

Almost made you love me
Almost made you cry
Almost made you happy, babe
Didn't I didn't I
You almost had me thinkin'
You were turned around
But everybody knows
Almost doesn't count

Almost heard you saying
You were finally free
What was always missing for you, baby
You'd found it in me
But you can't get to heaven
Half off the ground
Everybody knows
Almost doesn't count

I can't keep on lovin' you
One foot outside the door
I hear a funny hesitation
Of a heart that's never really sure
Can't keep on tryin'
If you're looking for more
Than all that I could give you
Than what you came here for

Gonna find me somebody
Not afraid to let go
Want a no doubt be there kind of man
You came real close
But everytime you built me up
You only let me down
And everybody knows
Almost doesn't count

Maybe you'll be sorry
Maybe you'll be cold
Maybe you'll come runnin' back, baby
From the cruel cruel world
Almost convince me
You're gonna stick around
But everybody knows
Almost doesn't count

So maybe I'll be here
Maybe I'll see ya around
That's the way it goes
Almost doesn't count

never gonna let you go

If I had one wish, boy, I'd wish you next to me
And it could be in summer, fall or spring, boy
'Cause you make my heart sing
I wanna give my heart, my soul, my love to you, oh baby, yeah
'Cause everyday I'm not with you, I'm missing you like crazy
I need for you to

 love me, hold me, touch me
Down deep in my soul, never let it go
Of the love we share, no one compares to you
I'll never let you go 'cause I really love you so, oh I
I'll never let you go, oh no

You must know the truth, boy, I'm nothing without you
It's funny how I know what people mean, boy
When it's too good to be true because you give me joy
Good love, good times, such happiness, oh yeah
And everyday I thank the Lord for you, I feel so blessed
I need for you to

 love me, hold me, touch me
Down deep in my soul, never let it go
Of the love we share, no one compares to you
I'll never let you go, 'cause I really love you so, oh I
I'll never let you go, oh no, oh no

If you only knew what you really do
Ain't never had no one that does it quite like you do
You could spend half a lifetime trying to find one like you
That's why I am so glad I found you, baby
I wished upon a star and it came true
Darling, I need for you to

I need you to love me, hold me, touch me
Down deep in my soul, never let it go
Of the love we share, no one compares to you
I'll never let you go 'cause I really love you so, oh I
I'll never let you go, oh no, oh no

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

summer riding

sooooooooo i have definitely been out there getting my bike on,

getting a super sexy tan LOL

fresh air, ALL that! so um,,,

today me and the kids went to the "world" famous pawn shop from "pawn stars"

they were taping when we got there.

so... basically we had to wait outside,

while they did a 30 minute taping,

i met their publicist LOL

she told amil not to sit in front of the door way

they wont even let you peek in the window theres this guy who puts his hand in your face to block you from seeing shit

think about that job

just lowkey blockin all day

so it was pretty cool in there they had alot of old shit in there

antiques and such.

he said he liked one of my knives LOL

cant have it !!!

they had some super dooper old ass guns

they wanted alot for them too like 12,000

they has sculptures in their for 30,000

it was cool

alot of useless shit that you either have to collect

or just have thousands to blow on bullshit

i asked this one guy what this one thing was
it was the light or lamp off of a ship

it was like 12,000 also

Ginsu knives

everything u never knew u wanted

santana was like u can buy granny this betty boop picture it was like 800

how about not today LOL

so anyways, we will be on another adventure 2moro

adventures everyday until i die

Thursday, April 19, 2012

phenomenal woman

Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I'm not cute or built to suit a fashion model's size
But when I start to tell them,
They think I'm telling lies.
I say,

It's in the reach of my arms
The span of my hips,
The stride of my step,
The curl of my lips.
I'm a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.
I say,
It's the fire in my eyes,
And the flash of my teeth,
The swing in my waist,
And the joy in my feet.
I'm a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Men themselves have wondered
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can't touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them
They say they still can't see.
I say,
It's in the arch of my back,
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I'm a woman

Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Now you understand
Just why my head's not bowed.
I don't shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.
When you see me passing
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It's in the click of my heels,
The bend of my hair,
the palm of my hand,
The need of my care,
'Cause I'm a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That's me.

Maya Angelou

Sunday, April 15, 2012

great sunday

so today was just absolutely gorgeous in las vegas

i left the truck at home and we all took off biking

we went to the bank
then the grocery store.

stopped and picked flowers

and then we biked home.

the kids had a water fight while i cooked tacos

then they ate.

then back outside they went to play with martins bad butt lol

then amil came in cuz her finally got tired

now she's napping

im watching tv and finna eat again cuz the tacos is

and santanas still outside.

i am poopalooped

im ready to just relax and get ready for this up coming week.

just tryna keep in mind that summer is just around the corner.

staying up late

sleeping in all day

biking around

getting sunshine

fresh air

enjoying the free time we have together

i gotta patch things up with the people i care about.

i been lowkey goin ham and i really dont mean to

Tuesday, April 10, 2012


ok, so im tired of holding on to grudges
im to lazy for that shit so for every and anybody who has ever done me wrong

or pissed me off

said the wrong thing

done the wrong thing

assumed the wrong thing

whatever the case may be

i just wanna forgive

because it really is true when they say that forgiving is for yourself
not the other person

now im not sayin we finna be best friends

or even friends at all

im just sayin

alll the negative energy

and crazy shit i prolly have thought about doing to you in the past

im not goin there no more

mentally its too draining

it means i still give an inkling of a fuck

and i dont

so im not gonna give you even any more brain energy

you not worth it

no one is but GOD

so thats who i want to occupy my heart
and my mind

my thoughts

i want my life to be whole and pure

and full

and blessed

and how can i possibly have any of that, if i spend my free time thinking of how people did me foul?

life is not fair

we just have to deal with the storms when they come

and ima try to start saving money cause i be spending spending man

not cool

so anyways everyone

have a blessed day


praise GOD

enjoy the breath you have in your lungs

the life you have

pray for 2moro

and make a difference in someone's life

when you die what type of mark are you gonna leave on the world?

remember that people always will remember the bad twice as fast as they remember the good in you

Sunday, April 8, 2012

Easter 2012

First and foremost i wanna say Happy Easter to everyone

and give praise to the Lord Jesus Christ who has risen again!

secondly and with great sadness i want to say that yesterday my uncle Jack Neff passed and went home to God.

i wanna give praise and acknowledgement for all that he has done in my life and i want to share some of it with you.

Jack Neff was my granny's bigger brother.

He lived in Oregon with my Aunt Helen.

My Granny took me and taj to oregon every single summer to hang with aunt helen and uncle jack.

it was so FUN

they took us everywhere

we went swimming in lakes,

running in sand dunes,

visited bat caves,

saw the great sequoia trees,

random beaches all over northern Cali.

camping, hiking, fishing,

they knew how to do it all

i cant imagine what my aunt helen is feeling i PRAY for her and her family...
my cousins

my uncle jack will be sorely sorely missed

he taught me how to catch LIVE fishing bait LOL

he would throw you a worm every blue moon

but he expected yo ass to catch a bag full of crickets tho LOL

he made the BEST homemade fruit roll ups,

jam, jelly

he farmed

i mean, there wasnt anything i didnt admire this man for

he was very peaceful

yet really witty LMAOOO

uncle jack i am going to miss you very much

and i truly regret that i havent been down there in many many years

i even more regret the fact that none of my children ever had the pleasure and the grace of meeting you

i promise you that i will try to each them everything that you have taught me and my family in my lifetime

i will try everything that i can to continue to let your legacy life forever

i love you uncle jack ♥

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

How to love

You had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn't never figure out
How to love, how to love
You had a lot of moments that didn't last forever

Now you in a corner tryna put it together
How to love, how to love, for a second you were here
why you over there, it's hard not to stare the way you moving
Your body, like you never had a love, never had a love

When you is just a young'un your looks but so precious
But now you're grown up, so fly it's like a blessing
But you can't have a man look at you for five seconds
Without you being insecure

You never credit yourself so when you got older
It's seems like you came back ten times over
Now you're sitting here in this damn corner
Looking through all your thoughts and looking over your shoulder

See, you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn't never figure out
How to love, how to love
You had a lot of moments that didn't last forever

Now you in a corner tryna put it together
How to love, how to love, for a second you were here
why you over there, it's hard not to stare the way you moving
Your body, like you never had a love, never had a love

You had a lot of dreams that transform to visions
The fact that you saw the world affected all your decisions
But it wasn't your fault, wasn't in your intentions
to be the one here talking to me, the one to listen

But I admire your poppin' bottles and pimpin'
Just as much as you admire bartending and stripping
Baby, so don't be mad, nobody else trippin'
You seen a lot of crooks and crooks still crook

See, you had a lot of crooks tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn't never figure out
How to love, how to love
See, you had a lot of moments that didn't last forever

Now you in this corner tryna put it together
How to love, how to love

See I just want you to know that you deserve the best
You're beautiful, you're beautiful
Yeah, and I want you to know
You're far from the usual, far from the usual

See, you had a lot of crooks
Tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn't never figure out
How to love, how to love

See, you had a lot of moments
That didn't last forever
Now you in this corner tryna put it together
How to love, how to love

See, you had a lot of crooks
Tryna steal your heart
Never really had luck, couldn't never figure out
How to love, how to love

See, you had a lot of moments
That didn't last forever
Now you in this corner tryna put it together
How to love, how to love

Sunday, March 25, 2012


On February 26, 2012, 17-year-old Trayvon Martin went out to buy some snacks at the nearby 7-Eleven. George Zimmerman, the neighborhood watch captain in a small gated community in Sanford, Florida, was driving around in his SUV.

Zimmerman called 911, saying Martin looked "real suspicious"--i.e., he was a young Black male, walking around in a hoodie. After the 911 dispatcher told Zimmerman not to pursue the youth, Zimmerman followed Trayvon Martin, got out of his car and then confronted Martin. Zimmerman was carrying a 9-millimeter handgun. Trayvon Martin was carrying a bag of Skittles and a can of iced tea. There was yelling, then a gunshot. Trayvon Martin lay face down in the grass with a fatal bullet wound to the chest. Zimmerman was taken into custody, questioned and released. To this day, he has not been arrested and charged with any crime.

It is very good and very important that people, not only in Sanford, Florida, but all over the country, are outraged by the murder of Trayvon Martin and are making their outrage known in many different and creative forms of protest. It is also important that, in connection with the murder of Trayvon Martin, the memory of Emmett Till--wantonly murdered by white supremacists decades ago--is being raised to express the fact that people have seen this go on for far too long and will not stand by to see it happen yet again.

At the same time, the fact that yet another Emmett Till moment can arise--that yet another outrage of this kind can take place--today, more than 50 years after the original Emmett Till lynching, and that this murder of Trayvon Martin is not an isolated incident but only the latest of an endless chain of such acts that are perpetrated, condoned and covered up by the powers-that-be, shows very powerfully that, this time around, we must not settle for anything less than stopping this, once and for all--we must build a movement to really and finally put an end to these and countless other outrages that spew forth from this system, by sweeping away this system through revolution. This is deadly serious and we must take this up very seriously

what a weekend

sooo, half of the weekend is over lol

as usual it cracked

and we was off the chain lmao

had unexpected company like all kinda shit

amil got spoiled

and now i at least get to rest until august.

(on the birthday situation)

as always feeling extra blessed
and favoured

im sleeping very little got alot to think about

life takes some serious curve balls

like right in front of u

the road will fork and

where u thought u were goin

isnt even where u end up landing

im just enjoying the ride

Friday, March 23, 2012


so, cali is gonna be on its way to me :)

my mom, m.i.l. , my son, and i think my cousin pam...

my lil niecy couldnt make it out here :( thass cold

maaaaaybe the b.m might change her mind...

im praying on it.

so otherwise im not having to many complaints!!!

totally did NOT have drama!! which is a good thing cuz who likes drama??

amil got some cool gifts

a pretty pink bike, and some princess gear as you could see from her pictures...

not sure all what else we saving for the party.

so i cant WAIT to see senikah

everytime we get on the freeway amil thinks we're on the way to the airport to pick up sen

lil smart butt!

she misses him sooooooo much!

i know she cant wait till summer time!!


so anyways not here to do a whole lotta talking.

im having guests this weekend so of course im cleaning

and washing towels etc etc


pillow cases LOL

so i must say i feel VERY BLESSED that i got what i never expected which was selflessness from someone that never displays that behavior

so to you i say, i applaud and i appreciate what u did

(or didnt do)

i think hopefully it might be a step towards common ground one day.

it was defintely a first step

so thank you

alright i gotta keep cleaning and washing

cuz yall know im old school and i got my own way of doing everything :)

♥ love life yall!!!!!

and happy birthday to my mom i.l. tweet tweet

i didnt know she was the day after amil ♥

thass why we so close

Thursday, March 22, 2012

happy birthday AMIL

so its amilly's birthday today

she is a fabulous diva like her mother LOL

she's loving life and she knows she is spoiled by everyone she encounters

she is the most beautiful little girl ever made,

and i am grateful to GOD for her

all bows to ms. sisali ♥

Tuesday, March 20, 2012


lol i named this blog title because my titles never even match what the fuck im talking about so who really cares what i call the shit right?

nigga the shit be truth if u really wanna but any WHOOOOOO

well people the clock is like all the way counted down...

today is my "niece" angelina birthday she's 9. one time for angie

(named after mua of cousre)

and on thursday is my baby girls 3rd smurfday

im expecting drama,

but praying for otherwise u dig?

but i dont know...

u know how it is dealing with retarded mutha fuckas... smh






babies everywhere OMG

and preggos all around!!!

im glad ive done all ima do in my life LOL cuz boy

everytime i even see a pregnant person i feel sorry for her lol

the reward and the payoff is DEF worth it.

but i am the ugliest thing walking when im pregnant LOL

my kids comeout

so i guess that leaves ME bein the ugmo for 9 months LOL

cold game.

so, anyways...

spring is here now all i gotta do is wait for summer cause i cant wait to get sen

and go camping, let my hair down, maybe catch a lil tan ;)

i gotta toast this almondy stuff LOL



aye im funny to me LOL

nigga be lowkey rollin all alone type shit

im my own bestfriend hehehehehe

and i even be trippin on me

cotton mouth

well anyways everybody have a blessed day

no matter what you're goin thru today or in this point in your life

be ever STILL grateful that you woke up today WITH a struggle

because a lot of people struggle's ended yesterday

an hour ago

this minute

now dont get me wrong i get my stress on like everybody else.

(i know the ppl that know me well is like HAAAAA)

i know i can be a little dramatic LOL

but still try to always humble yourself and KNOW that there i literally millions that have it a thousand times worse than you.

me and my friend were taking shots last night and we're both goin through our little shit

but we toasted to "having it good!" because we both know that there are so many that have it worse than us.

love where you are today in life, where ever that may be

whoever you might be with"

love it

Thursday, March 15, 2012


so im watching how i met your mother

its the episode where ted was waiting for the slutty pumpkin

and robin, (who always reminds myself of me)

was on a halloween date

but wasnt into her date at all

he wanted to dress up as hansel and gretel

he showed up and hansel

she wore no costume

he wanted to feed her off his plate

she wouldnt let him

and everytime he said the word we
she corrected him with
you and i

and he ended up leaving their date early and dumping her

because she didnt wanna be with him as much as she wanted to be alone

she enjoyed HIM

but enjoyed being single more than that

and she asked ted

what was wrong with her?

she said she WANTED the love, and closeness and being goofy and silly with someone

but when she found herself in the position to do that

she didnt

she was actually mean about it

and thats how i feel

i feel exactly like robin

i want aaaaaaaaall that

the fairytale

but when i have someone offering that

even throwing themselves at me

i get real scared.

the advise ted gave her was that he's out there she just hasnt met him yet

he said that when she meets him she'll WANT to be goofy

want to be a we

want to share dessert and eat off each others plate

and fall asleep in each others arms

have you ever had a connection like that with someone??

it is so unreal
and spiritual

the minutes the hours and days and weeks and years

all equal the same amount of time

time stands still.
you could sleep all day in their arms,

you smell their neck, their armpits

you breathe them in deep and its literally like you're in heaven
almost scared to open your eyes and let the moment fade

you look at them and smile

you think about them and remember

you look at them and your soul throws a thousand words

you have to touch them

you have to know its real

you listen to them talk all day just to hear his voice.

you stare at that same picture that never gets old

you replay that last conversation you had

and you plan everyday of the rest of your life with them

you even factor in death (well i do ) LOL


when you have had something that great and lost it

when that chance comes around again


anyone that knows me
knows i give my entire heart and soul to the people i love

i cant separate myself from them

i become one with them

and its emotionally tolling

because even when you get attached to the wrong person

it becomes hard to separate from them

so you finally leave the situation

now you're alone

and want that connection again

but youre not sure if youre gonna take that gamble again

at least thats what it is for me right now

and i sit here and i ask myself the same question robin just asked herself

am i ever gonna take that chance again

am i ever gonna have that sacred love again like i had before?

its a hard tale to tell.

and who really knows the outcome.

we all are wired to be who GOD created us to be.

im still trying to relax give my life to GOD, let HIM steer and just enjoy the ride

i wanna be comfortable with me
and my wiring :)