Monday, June 6, 2011

longterm pain management

I found myself waking up in pain again this morning
like every morning
and it lead me to want to come here and write a little about it for people who dont really know about long term pain management
sooo.
ok in 2oo2 dec 23rd... i broke my hand thru a very thin piece of glass.

as they say the thinner the glass the deeper the cut...
"they aint lyin"

i cut my arm down to the bone in two places, cutting 8 tendons and the artery down to the bones in 2 places as well
my surgery took 12 hours
it was approxixmately 27,000 for the surgery and another 6,000 in medical bills for 4 days in the hospital and also anesthesia

anyways my surgery went well but ever since then i struggled with long term pain on that arm...
now fast forward many of you know that i broke my ankle in 3 places this past FEB.
I had a surgery and i had 2 screws placed in my ankle and a tether going thru both the tibia and fibia to bring them back together because my break had separated them.
surgery went well, MAD MAD pain tho ever since
everyday, every night
i take pain meds all the time.
which leads me here to this post
i am so bothered at how they handle this
now i am allergic to pcn, n sulfa products which limits to to very few things 2 things basically
opium based meds like Lortab
and whatever Percocet is derived from.
Percocet being the stronger of the 2 naturally they offer because thus far the regular strength Lortabs arent doing me much good. also its not good to be on them for too long because they become very addictive.
only problem is the Percs are too strong for my stomach i cant even hold water down when i'm taking them...
so they give me the Lortabs again, the stronger ones.
which are cool,
but ive been on lortabs now, for almost a year
way past the point of addiction or needing them

i believe once you become addicted to them,
you also become hypersensitive to all other sorts of pain

case in point
you all know i am a Tattoo artist its not uncommon for me to tatt myself \
what IS unusual is that i tapped out on the last 2 tattoos i did on myself and had to finish them up on a second round kinda thing, which i never had to do before
wit any of my tattoos, i can sit for hours


i had 2 children wiht absolutely NO pain meds at all

so y am i now, constantly needing them??

i asked my doctor if i was goin to be in pain for the rest of my life
if i was going to be taking these medicines forever

waking up,
not sleeping
fighting the pain
then finally giving in at 4 am....
waiting for the meds to kick in so i can hopefully go to sleep

they say my ankle will never be the same
my foot grew a little
my ankle is larger
stiffer
the cartilage is gone
bone on bone popping
i cant even stand to be in any type of heel at all, ive had to give away any shoe that is either around my ankle or stands to high

the only thing i can wear is sandals and flats...

the screws hurt


you can feel them

i can see them

they even are talking about a possible repeat surgery which i already told them i dont want

i cant be on crutches again
crawling up the stairs on my ass for another month
begging for help up the stairs with my groceries or my baby gurl

so i guess for now its just this long term pain management

me and my damned pills