Thursday, June 30, 2011

SEN's Home

♥ salutations everybody sorry i been m.i.a lol
for those of u who dont know, My oldest son Senikah has been home now for 2 days :) we been acting a donkey too lol!
its so good to have him back home :)
he's been having a blast with Santana
and surprisingly Amil is already taken to him lol
they all stayed up until like 2 am this morning playing all night long ;)

♥joyful sounds♥

Sen only has brothers so you can definitely tell he likes the change as far as having someone to nurture
Hes been helping his sister alot! :) such a blessing to watch...

so anyways, we immediately got Sen a bike to ride the first night he was here he RODE!
8 miles to my surprise,
he was tired when he got back home (we all were lol) but he did it!!

AND THE KIDS ALL SLEPT LIKE LOGS!

it feels good to have everybody back home for a minute.
although it might not last forever,
i relish in these moments,
taking mental pictures everyday,
snapshots when i get the opportunity
and enjoying every minute of the miracles i am around everyday :)


these kids are SOMETHING ELSE
but i wouldnt be anything without them
they teach me so much everyday!!

im 30 years old still in school.
but i have 3 great teachers!
soldiers through life

enjoy your blessings everybody
everyday
cuz 2moro isnt promised to any of us



Tuesday, June 28, 2011

if i could i would

If i could, i would let you have a relationship with her
I would trust you with my precious baby

but i cant trust you because everything you ever told me was a lie

you've SHOWN me you're not to be trusted.

Then if i could, i would still turn the other cheek,
hoping that you can at least value something very sacred... FAMILY

but then I remember how you abandoned your FAMILY, when we needed you MOST
when Granny was dying and we needed your strength...
instead we got left alone day in and day out.

at least we had Granny :) ♥ (a BLESSING)

If i could i would forget your discard for us back then.

But i just cant.

I cant forget wanting to take a shower after being left with the baby all by myself all day,
taking care of Granny.
Just needing a break and needing someone to be there for ME.
Someone to hold the childrens Mother together, Pat her on the back and be supportive.

But how indecent you were and are still.

If i could i would hear your plea for compassion.
But just like my cries fell on a deaf ear then,
so do your cries fall on my deaf ears now.

everything comes around full circle.
KARMA

its in every Bible, Koran, Torah, etc. (please excuse any religious books I didnt name its not intentional just making a point)

I didnt create it,
I dont control it.

I just know how strong a force it is.

If i could i would wanna forgive and forget.

but thats hard because you cant forgive someone
when they're still lying and not even acknowledging that they played a role in the miserable life they are living.

or at least played a role in the rotten relationship you have now with your "family"?? if thats what you want to call her.

look in the mirror.
realize your role, because everyone else sees it.

they saw it then, and they continue to see it now,

complete disregard for anyone but yourself...

"get it from the county, the court, or c*3^*e... "

if I remember correctly...

and thats exactly what I intend to do.

Continue to do everything without you just like I have been for the past year and a half.

I havent skipped a beat and i wont start now.

If i could I would have more compassion.

If i could i would

Friday, June 24, 2011

naw 4real

hello everybody!!
how r we all doing today?

well i just came in from a 3 hour bike ride!!! and i feel GREAT!

i got pulled over lol
but im intact

i found out that although there isnt a helmet law out here in Nevada
they have a light law, and a warning device law.

so 2moro we're gonna have lights and horns and bells installed :)

SAFETY FIRST!!!

im also thinking about selling my truck...

its just a thought still, bouncing around
im weighing the pros and cons.

but i just never drive anymore

the farthest places i drive to, ive already biked to...

i could save alot of money as far as gas, insurance, tires, maintenance...

i see why people get older and use public transportation or bikes,
carpool with others...

its environmentally friendly and financially smart

ever since ive been biking i just feel so much better

my body feels better,
my moods are better

my skin is softer ;)

everything is a little better
and its bringing my family together

we're having fun.

and we're giving our bodies what it needs!!!

anyways everyone, im not gonna lecture tonight.

im exhausted. im gonna relax now

and enjoy life

enjoy this breath i have in my body

THANK YOU LORD ♥

also for everybody who bikes in Nevada

theres a website that gives daily biking events in Las Vegas and the surrounding areas

www.bikinglasvegas.com

check it out

piece of advice for the boys and men

I wanted to take some time out to remind everyone that karma is very real
in some way shape or form every religion and deity talks about karma

you know men i know that its hard out here for you,
i DO see your struggle.

i know that its not easy growing up as a BLACK man in a white mans world
i know A LOT has changed
A GREAT DEAL

thanks to our predecessors
and all of the people who have lived and given their lives for some of the privileges we have today

I see alot more prominent black men taking advantage of their opportunities that's good!!!

enroll in school, take that job, work hard

never forget family!

but what i really wanted to address is the fact that even though
I see our men and boys learning more, making more, etc.

I dont see any improvement in the way the black men are treating their women.

in fact in my opinion i see a decline in the respect that the future and present younger generations are treating the women in their lives. Including mom and grandma.

I see more and more men living with their mothers into their 30's and 40's its an epidemic that even the white house and capital have addressed.


the question everyone is asking is what is happening to our men that they are unemployed or under employed and still living at home with their mothers.

I have 2 sons myself i would do ANYTHING for them
sell my soul...

but i would never want to hinder them.

i want to know when i die,
when im gone
that my sons are going to be able to handle themselves
WHATEVER the situation
i want them to be survivors
and flourishors

and i want them to do it WITHOUT me
or outside of me at least

because if i feed them from a silver spoon their whole lives

when its time for me to go, im gonna be very worried about how they will make it without me

alot of the mothers of these men that are among the ones still living with their moms

i wonder do they have this same worry

i know that they do it out of love and concern

but in my opinion they hinder their sons a great deal

because one day they are gonna have to live life alone

without mom to fall back on

and its RUFF!

i had to learn that the hard way with my grandmother

she did everything for me and when she passed i felt like the world had died with her
i had no idea how to function

it was very hard on me

but i've always been a survivor and im making it

but only because i had people guiding me the right way

i always knew one day i would only have me to depend on
so i always live my life depending on no one

i have some coo people i can call in a bind

but i like to deal with everything alone if i can

anyways men just please value the women you are blessed to have in your life

but dont depend on them

women carry the weight of the world on their shoulders
we need our men to be strong

head of household

our backbones

we need protection

we need unconditional love

understanding

you want your mother's and daughters to be valued beyond measure

they have to have the best!
so why not give that to them yourself?
GIVE your mom the best of yourself

GIVE your girlfriend or your wife the BEST of you

life is short so give it the BEST

your ALL

leave something behind after you're gone

i dont know when men starting becoming scared of hard work
scared to be the bread winner

the decision maker

know your role young men, and boys

stand up strong and play your role
because we are losing so many men
to jail
aids
crime
drugs

if our men dont start contributing back to life

everything will be destroyed
its a path of destruction

dont be afraid of higher education men
dont be afraid of work
dont be afraid of commitment

dont be afraid of the true life GOD intended for you

ask GOD for clarity on your role in life and it will be clear to you

I have faith in you boys and men!
i KNOW you have it in you, to be the best you can be

and when you love yourself, want the best for yourself and the ones in your life
you start to value every aspect of it.

even the people in your life

because i tell you its a lonely lonely world out there

so go to college
get a GREAT career for yourself
get a nice apartment
or a house
start that family and take care of it!!!

celebrate the holidays with your loved ones!

and see how rich your life will become

see how many times you smile

you have to put in hard work to get things back from life

but the rewards are truly great if you commit to it

Thursday, June 23, 2011

June 22

so I take it my best friend had an ok birthday :)

i know she has a shiny new bike to ride on

enjoying life :)
I sit back and remember when i was miserable

i look back and wonder how i could ever let myself get so down about things and people that DONT MATTER

if you truly want to close the door and move on with your life you can

you can let go of all the old hurt

and when you finally do,
a million blessings fall down on you

blessings from nowhere


anyways not really here to say much,

just that I had a blast with my best friend

shes my entire world and then some ♥

enjoy life everybody

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Biking

So, I think today marks the 4th day that me n the kids have been biking...

its really getting us out of the house, giving us exercise
a reason to interact and do something all together as a family!

we all seem to be really enjoying our new adventures
we go for miles and miles

up and down the strip

everywhere

its really different when you take some time to enjoy the city you live in

your neighborhood

you surroundings

your neighbors
and the people you live by.

everything starts to change a little

i still love my truck lol
she gets me where i need to go also

but i love being in the fresh air.
hearing the street
the people
interacting
watching

i like to watch the kids watch other people lol
they watch everything

my daughter absolutely loves the lights
like mommy ♥

thats one of the major reason i moved out here
the beautiful, mesmerizing lights
they can captivate you all night

i cant wait until fall when i can just go riding during the day time.

or even the winter when i might have to throw a hoody on
and hit the pavement

lol me n my bestfriend be on it EVERYDAY 6 miles, 8 miles

going to stores
or going absolutely nowhere at all

just riding

i bought a more comfortable seat
im gonna get a little horn lol
and a light too!

cuz we be out at night

im learning which streets is up hill and which are down

im learning alot about myself period

its crazy to think we were both heavy cigarette smokers and now were heavy bikers lol

we call ourself having a bike club
literally n shit LMAOOOO

excercise DEFINITELY gives you more energy

i can bike 8 miles n still come home n be on it
cooking, cleaning,

we all seem alot happier

we still get to enjoy our regular life
but now we enjoy it even more

and it really feels good to be able to connect with my son like that

jus me n my big boy :)

I swear Santana is my protector ya'll jus remember I said it!!!

anyways... just giving yall the update while i have a second

becuaz between the kids, the house, the cats, the car, and my bikes and tattooing...

i dont have time for much else
facebook twitter or whatever is getting
less
n less
n less time

anyways people just wanted to remind you all that time is short

life

life is short
so give your TIME, your LIFE

to the people you love

because 2moro IS NOT promised

dont waste your life only to look back and regret your choices

and go get your bike on !!!! LOL

it does wonders for you

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Happy Fathers Day

happy fathers day to all the papi's out there

the men who take care of children day in and day out
(whether thy're your or not)

you are an example above all things
GOD sent you into these children's lives for a reason!!!

You are going to be BLESSED beyond measure

I hope you realize how important you are in your families lives.

Being head of anyone's household is a load of pressure.
but GOD will never give you more than you can handle.

Continue to shape these young minds, walk them into manhood

show them what it REALLY is to be a man

in every sense of the word.

I can go on and on but I am exhausted

so Enjoy the rest of your day Father's lol all 2 minutes thats left

we love you

Saturday, June 18, 2011

love (repost)

Love
So many things I've got to tell you
But I'm afraid I don't know how
Cause there's a possibility
You'll look at me differently
Love
Ever since the first moment I spoke your name
From then on I knew that by you being in my life
Things were destined to change cause

Chorus:
Love
So many people use your name in vain
Love
Those who have faith in you sometimes go astray
Love
Through all the ups and downs the joys and hurts
Love
For better or worse I still will choose you first

Verse 2:
Many days I've longed for you
Wanting you
Hoping for the chance to get to know you
Longing for your kiss
For your touch, your feel, your Presence
Many nights I've cried from the things you do
Felt like I could die from the thought of losing you
I know that you're real
With no doubts and no fears
And no questions

Chorus:
Love
So many people use your name in vain
Love
Those who have faith in you sometimes go astray
Love
Through all the ups and downs the joys and hurts
Love
For better or worse I still will choose you first

Verse 3:
At first you didn't mean that much to me
But now I know that you're all I need
The world looks so brand new to me
Now that I found love
Everyday I live for you
And everything that I do
I do it for you
What I say is how I feel so believe it's true
You got to know I'm true

Chorus(x2):
Love
So many people use your name in vain
Love
Those who have faith in you sometimes go astray
Love
Through all the ups and downs the joys and hurts
Love
For better or worse I still will choose you first

Monday, June 13, 2011

You got a fast car

You got a fast car
I want a ticket to anywhere
Maybe we make a deal
Maybe together we can get somewhere

Anyplace is better
Starting from zero got nothing to lose
Maybe we'll make something
But me myself I got nothing to prove

You got a fast car
And I got a plan to get us out of here
I been working at the convenience store
Managed to save just a little bit of money
We won't have to drive too far
Just 'cross the border and into the city
You and I can both get jobs
And finally see what it means to be living

You see my old man's got a problem
He live with the bottle that's the way it is
He says his body's too old for working
I say his body's too young to look like his
My mama went off and left him
She wanted more from life than he could give
I said somebody's got to take care of him
So I quit school and that's what I did

You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so we can fly away
We gotta make a decision
We leave tonight or live and die this way

I remember when we were driving driving in your car
The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
And I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone

You got a fast car
And we go cruising to entertain ourselves
You still ain't got a job
And I work in a market as a checkout girl
I know things will get better
You'll find work and I'll get promoted
We'll move out of the shelter
Buy a big house and live in the suburbs

You got a fast car
And I got a job that pays all our bills
You stay out drinking late at the bar
See more of your friends than you do of your kids
I'd always hoped for better
Thought maybe together you and me would find it
I got no plans I ain't going nowhere
So take your fast car and keep on driving

You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so you can fly away
You gotta make a decision
You leave tonight or live and die this way

if i should die tonight

Oh, If I should die tonight
Oh baby, though it'd be far before my time
I won't die blue, sugar yeah
'Cause I've known you

Oooh, oh, how many eyes
Have seen their dream?
Oh, how many arms
Have felt their dream?
How many hearts, baby...
Have felt their world stand still?

Millions never, they never never
And millions never will baby
They never will

If I should die tonight love
Darlin', though it'd be far before my time
I won't die blue
'Cause I've known you

Oooh, oh, I'm thankful that you're lovin' me
My one desire
Is to love you 'til
I'm no longer here and never tired
Love has been so good to me
I'm so thankful

Oooh, oh, how many eyes
Have seen their dream?
How many arms
Have felt their dream?
How many hearts, oh darlin'
Have felt their world stand still?
Oh Lord!

Millions never, no, never
And millions never will, sugar
They never will

If I should die tonight, ahhh baby
I just want you to keep this one thought in mind
That I would never die blue...
'Cause I've known you
Oooh!!

Saturday, June 11, 2011

summer laze

so the renovation on my apartment is almost fully complete
mostly complete i"d say
just very, small things that no one would ever notice but they are gonna mean the world to me
...

everyone so far LOVES the new look.
its more appealing, relaxing, comforting...
its more ME ♥
ive been here five years but i finally got my place looking EXACTLY how i want it!!

you know what?

its not where you live,
its how you livin!

n we are very lush over here...

so anyways summer is rolling right along,
weve pretty much just been relaxing
enjoying ourselves
the freedom


life is so free without stress!
people dragging you down

im so proud of how far ive come

how ive turned everything around


made a GREAT life
out of some shitty circumstances

but its all worth it!

it feels different

but i am DEFINITELY getting used to it ;)


so anyways i really dont have much to say im watching
bobby z


so enjoy your weekend everybody and
enjoy your summer!!

and if you dont like your circumstances, your life, your job, etc/.

REMAKE and REINVENT yourself
until you ARE happy!

there is NO dress rehearsal in life

you get one shot
make it count

Friday, June 10, 2011

sooooo, i had a conversation with someone today
they said to me "family works things out"

which is so funny to me because i remember how he abandoned us
his family

how he lied, treated me so unfairly...
didnt even want to hug me.
eat a meal together
go anywhere together

now what? all of the sudden its time to patch things up?
forgive and forget?

love again?

act like nothing ever happened?

how are we supposed to do that?

why would i even want to?

i wouldnt be going back to anything.

a loveless relationship

feeling lonely when i should have been feeling loved.

my bestie told me that i should marry the man that makes my heart RACE
and thats exactly what im gonna do!!!

life is too short to settle
for less
for anything less than your dream life.

the man created for you
to uplift you
see the better in you
make you a better person

someone to truly BE your BETTER half!

someone who laffs at the same things you do.

has the same passions
wakes up everyday excited to be waking up next to you ♥
someone to be romantic with
silly with

someone who truly loves you for being you.

willing to take the good and the bad just the same

someone like that is hard to find

but he's out there ;) ♥

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

What makes a Dad

GOD took the strength of a mountain
The majesty of a tree
The warmth of a summer sun
The calm of a quiet sea
The generous soul of nature
The comforting arm of night
The wisdom of the ages
The power of the eagle's flight
The joy of a morning in spring
The faith of a mustard seed
The patience of eternity
The depth of a family need
Then GOD combined these qualities
When there was nothing more to add
HE knew his masterpiece was complete
and so, he called it DAD

appreciation

soooo for those of you who are in the "loop"
you know i found out some trippy ass new this passed mothers day

so, word is now getting back to me that someone is very "hurt" and deeply saddened by the recent discovery

FUCK YOUR FEELINGS HOMIE!!!!
with EVERY breath in my small body!

you know my whole life i blamed you for alot of shit.
being a shitty dad
and doing all those shitty things
but GOD has RELIEVED me of you


GET over that shit SERIOUSLY

i TOLD yo ass i was gonna have the last laugh!
you think GOD was gonna let you get away with all the shit you did?

all these cowards out here might put you on a pedestal but GOD knocked yo ass down hard didnt he??


now I get to laugh
and wave goodbye really

i am no LONGER gonna let you hold me back from my future and from happiness
from forming a great relationship with my future husband and living the life GOD has planned for me since the first day of my life and probably before then.

He told me i can finally let go of you.

so i am so sorry that you're upset (not really)
but its you're fault
karma ALWAYS comes back FULL circle!

lmao

im gonna catch up on so much sleep!

no YOU can have the shady ass dreams
now YOU can question why all this is happening to YOU

sooo anyways OFF that. on to pleasanter things

today is almost the last day of school

its parent teacher conference day, last report card of the year :)

and also my baby SANTANA is getting an award at his assembly today!!!
GO HEAD BABY!!!!

im super, mega proud of him
he's my right hand MAN!!!

growing up so fast!

my brother was on the phone with him, like, so how old you finna be? 5 or 6?
santana like, im finna 8 im already 7!!!

my brother couldnt believe it
how fast the years fly
lol i told him!!! i told him, as SOON as you graduate from high school the years speed up on yo ass
and he FINALLY sees what i mean

my kids are 11, 7, and 2...

and i will look up tommorrow n they gonna be grown out into the world
CONTRIBUTING to the society

if i EVER hear any of my kids say "i'll never work a day in my life"
i will slap them into the mother land!!!

look at that statement
SMH,
look at what people are teaching their kids

you wonder why you're broke?
why your kids are nothing?

YOURE nothing
and youve taught them also to be nothing

people really LOOK at yourselves on a daily basis and see what you are showing youre kids
the MORALS you teach them are the only ones they are going to carry with them throughout the rest of their lives.
you cant UNteach anything
the screaming, the cursing, the hitting
trying to get over on everybody.

this is what you represent
you are going to look up one day and be COMPLETELY alone.

there's this lady alice, shes around 90 something
and she had a husband that recently died.
they never had kids because she was so focused on herself
now that he's gone she is completely alone in this world,
no living family,
no kids
NOTHING
NO ONE


this is your future

i know your future

its sad, lonely and bitter and very cold

the same way YOU are :)

its really sad when you kill yourself off

i told you to think about your choices

now you can see ALL the end results of your selfish ways
you wanted to be alone, free, no responsibility

now you HAVE IT!!!!

y complain? you CHOSE that life

you participated in every MOMENT of it

made ALL the choices

now you want help

you finally realize how BIG hers shoes are to fill
NO ONE can fill her tiny shoes...

you blind asshole lmao

anyways. i could go on and on and on seriously ;)
but i aint even on it like that

just people realize that every action has a reaction

you cant Undo shit in life
so think, re think, and triple check that, before you go selfishly out into the world
realize how important family is
how you have to bond
or there wont be a bond

NEW fathers out there♥♥♥

I salute you if you are TRULY a father :)
its a TIRESOME job i KNOW

but for every diaper you change
(especially poopy ones lol)

every time you get pee'd on
every time you wipe a tear,

sooth a night mare

stay up all night at the ER

GOD will bless you baby!!
He will bless you ten fold!!
because you are contributing to HIS children's futures

and doing a job, and playing a role that is VITAL in these children's lives

being a parent is EXTREMELY challenging and very hard

it takes a team to raise a child.
team work
love

and for all the STEP fathers and people taking care of kids that arent theirs,
you are GOD's fallen angels,
the chosen ones that HE needs down here with us
you guys do an AMAZING job with the kids you raise and you do it with LOVE!!!!

i applaud you SO SO SO much
i wish there were a million and one of you

we need men like you to show our little boys how to be MEN
how to work
stick thru things when times are hard
finish something you start

teach them how to be REAL MEN

not like these blow pops these other clowns is raising.

its your month fathers!
thank you for all you do for these kids daily!!

they're gonna remember it and take care of you when you're old and dying!
the circle of life
APPRECIATE it :)

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

whats happening?

i just talked to someone,
someone who i was so madly i love with
and my feeling right now, is
neutral


its such a surprise to me because i wanted this man with every breath in me

and now i dont know how i feel.

you know love is such a fragile thing
its like the rarest flower,
with the most tedious care instructions

so very fragile that if not taken care of in cautious, extreme measures

it will die

if you dont put half of your effort into the people that you "love"
your love is going to fade away into nothing

if you dont constantly work on communicating,
when you finally do open your mouth, its like you're speaking another language

without a connection
sexual connectivity also dies.

the entire system starts to shut down.


I am so pained right now, because i dont know where anything is going to go from here

the plan that was built got abandoned

now theres a big fat question mark on my face

because i dont know the answer
i cant predict the outcome

and im wondering where the friendship went

OR if we ever had one...

aside from us being attracted to each other

being able to laugh together

what else do we have?

lately we cant laugh with each other

we try to reach out but it is usually unsuccessful on both our ends honestly

it is TRULY a case of me being on Venus and him being on mars

we dont understand each other
we cant talk the same language

we just care about each other

I think about him ALL day LONG
i have to fight myself to NOT think about him

i have to call a friend
get on twitter

watch a movie
clean, cook
and u know when i finally talk to him i always think he's secretly laughing at me

its truly torturous
but im growing stronger because my feelings are dying

im so disconnected from everyone i used to know
everyone i knew in my old life

fool me once shame on you
fool me twice shame on ME

if everytime we talk
i end up in tears

it cant be right...

my heart is waving goodbye

i dont know what it is about this guy that makes me feel bad about myself.

but it HURTS

to have someone knock you down without them even trying
its disheartening

its scary

and i dont wanna be apart of it

r.i.p. ♥♥ ♥♥♥

Monday, June 6, 2011

longterm pain management

I found myself waking up in pain again this morning
like every morning
and it lead me to want to come here and write a little about it for people who dont really know about long term pain management
sooo.
ok in 2oo2 dec 23rd... i broke my hand thru a very thin piece of glass.

as they say the thinner the glass the deeper the cut...
"they aint lyin"

i cut my arm down to the bone in two places, cutting 8 tendons and the artery down to the bones in 2 places as well
my surgery took 12 hours
it was approxixmately 27,000 for the surgery and another 6,000 in medical bills for 4 days in the hospital and also anesthesia

anyways my surgery went well but ever since then i struggled with long term pain on that arm...
now fast forward many of you know that i broke my ankle in 3 places this past FEB.
I had a surgery and i had 2 screws placed in my ankle and a tether going thru both the tibia and fibia to bring them back together because my break had separated them.
surgery went well, MAD MAD pain tho ever since
everyday, every night
i take pain meds all the time.
which leads me here to this post
i am so bothered at how they handle this
now i am allergic to pcn, n sulfa products which limits to to very few things 2 things basically
opium based meds like Lortab
and whatever Percocet is derived from.
Percocet being the stronger of the 2 naturally they offer because thus far the regular strength Lortabs arent doing me much good. also its not good to be on them for too long because they become very addictive.
only problem is the Percs are too strong for my stomach i cant even hold water down when i'm taking them...
so they give me the Lortabs again, the stronger ones.
which are cool,
but ive been on lortabs now, for almost a year
way past the point of addiction or needing them

i believe once you become addicted to them,
you also become hypersensitive to all other sorts of pain

case in point
you all know i am a Tattoo artist its not uncommon for me to tatt myself \
what IS unusual is that i tapped out on the last 2 tattoos i did on myself and had to finish them up on a second round kinda thing, which i never had to do before
wit any of my tattoos, i can sit for hours


i had 2 children wiht absolutely NO pain meds at all

so y am i now, constantly needing them??

i asked my doctor if i was goin to be in pain for the rest of my life
if i was going to be taking these medicines forever

waking up,
not sleeping
fighting the pain
then finally giving in at 4 am....
waiting for the meds to kick in so i can hopefully go to sleep

they say my ankle will never be the same
my foot grew a little
my ankle is larger
stiffer
the cartilage is gone
bone on bone popping
i cant even stand to be in any type of heel at all, ive had to give away any shoe that is either around my ankle or stands to high

the only thing i can wear is sandals and flats...

the screws hurt


you can feel them

i can see them

they even are talking about a possible repeat surgery which i already told them i dont want

i cant be on crutches again
crawling up the stairs on my ass for another month
begging for help up the stairs with my groceries or my baby gurl

so i guess for now its just this long term pain management

me and my damned pills

Friday, June 3, 2011

YEA BUDDY!

soooooo i am super excited cuz im pretty sure im buying a dope ass beach cruiser 2moro...
im finna be cruisen the fucc out this strip this summer and fall and nites ;)

which is gonna be MEGA convenient because during the summer and convention seasons, it gets MAD crowded
and sometimes i can barely make it home because of the traffic
on FIGHT NIGHTS
forget about it (in my italiano voice)

so anyways gonna see how that pans out 2moro. well later on today i should say...

hmmmm, its after midnight, im trying to see if ima do some more laundry
i did two loads already tryna see if ima do more tonight or tomoro...


u never can tell with me.

anyways people, im kinda tired so im gonna sign off and relax.

listen to this music

and enjoy this quiet house!!

enjoy life everyone

cuz its short!!

Thursday, June 2, 2011

just to keep u staisfied

You were my wife, my life, my hopes and dreams
For you to understand what this means, I shall explain
I stood all the jealousy, all the bitchin' too
Yes, I'd forget it all once in bed with you
Ooo darling how could we end up like this?
Oh baby let me reminisce

Oh and when we, woo, stopped the hands of time
You set my soul on fire, my one desire
Was to love you and think of you with pride
And keep you satisfied, oh baby oh baby
We could not bear the mental strain
Leave you, I laugh at men too
Now you see how much you hurt me
But if you ever need me, I'll be by your side
Though the many happy times we had
Can never really outweigh the bad
Oh I'll never love nobody like I loved you baby

It's time for us to say farewell, farewell my darlin'
Maybe we'll meet down the line
It's too late for you and me, it's too late for you and I
Much too late for you to cry
It's too late for you and me, much too late for you and I
It's too late for you and me, much too late for you to cry baby
Ah we tried, God knows we tried
Now it's too late to live and love and ah it's too late baby
It's too late for you and me, much too late for you to cry
Oh oh ohhh it's much too late
Well, all we can do is, we can both try to be happy


from the late GREAT Marvin Gaye!♥

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

June Bloom :)

WOW everyone!!!
HALF the year is already over!
just 6 more months to go...

so much has happened so far this year.

im sure MUCH more also in store

GOD is captain of this ship

i just ride with him :)


so, for many of you that have been keeping up with my chaos
you know that i have been redecorating my apartment

im almost near completion,
im hoping that either at the end of this month or next month i'll be done!

its been EXHAUSTING!

but ive very proud and EXTREMELY satisfied with all my efforts!

just a few more things to buy out of leisure :)

and i'll be done!!

so as i start this day, i wish you all luck and love thru out your day!

Now i gotta run n get santana off to school only one more week then its SUMMER TIME FUN!!!!

I think i'll let him enroll in a summer program this year! he's been thru so much my big helper!!!

now i gotta start this looong ass day

uhaul, pick up furniture, swap out old stuff, laundry, and who knows what all else i'll find myself doing!!

as the homegurl sister said

Fairy's dont get mad
we DUST YO ASS!

lmaooo i love my friends n the people in my life,
f♥m b♥m included
even the new f♥m!

so everyone enjoy your day today
dont let the enemy in!
dont even give him time in your life because every moment you give to him its one less minute your'e worshiping GOD

stay on track!

remember what the devil plan is
to keep you so occupied trying to buy materialistic things
that you're over worked, away from your family all day, not worshiping the LORD

keep your life, your family your religion and your life in perspective!!