Saturday, December 31, 2011

movie night

so, im watching the Pursuit of Happyness

and this movie touches me everytime!

talking about a man following his dreams and truly coming up

going above and beyond for his son

especially after the mom took off

i think he showed his son a VERY good example of what it means to stick to what you want no matter what

he made the impossible possible

he got his car taken
still paid his tickets off, while taking the bus

worked a FULL time internship while selling those crazy bone density scanners

lost his apartment moved into a motel

lost the motel room

even had to spend the night in a train station bathroom

ended up fighting for spare rooms at various shelters

all while STILL working the internship and selling the scanners and being a FULL time single dad

it was trying and he struggled a lot

but he ended up getting the job

chosen over the college educated guys,

the caucasion guys

and all the other more likely choices

to me he was very humble, yet had a sense of pride.

it was real deep to me

when he said he was thinking about the declaration of independence and when george washington said "life, liberty and the PURSUIT of happiness"

and that maybe happiness is something that can only be pursued and that you could never really have it.

i think on a lot of levels thats really true

humans are so fickle and unpredictable

what we want changes from minute to minute

what makes us happy changes from day to day

if anyone hasnt seen this movie i recommend it

for the adults and children both ♥

never give up on your dreams

Friday, December 30, 2011

Mother Teresa

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;
forgive them anyway

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish ulterior motives;
be kind anyway

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and your God;
It was never between you and them anyway


~Mother Teresa

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

assaulted

sooooo the word is that i get online and put shit on blast...

telling homies what? i dont know lol

i dont even talk to "your homies"

and i never name names anyways cause thats NOT my style

but given the special circumstance and since im catching hell for doing something i dont do

i'll do it NOW

today was a first for me on many many levels

and yesterday as well,

last night the bd came out and he took the baby to spend the night

he also left his nephew here to play with the boys (they had a BLAST) by the way lol

so around 10 clock this morning (11 hours after the baby had been gone)

i call to see how she was, where they were and what she was doing.

he hangs up

nephew comes and asks me what he can eat, but tells me he can only eat soft food,

theres only one small thing of apple sauce left

so i call and ask what can he eat

hang up

nevertheless i send a text expressing my dislike for the way he keeps hanging up while im trying to figure out what his nephew can eat!!!

i told him it was aight tho... he didnt have to worry bout it no more.

that we had enjoyed him coming over to play

and it was basically whatever at that point


so he comes shortly after

to drop the baby back off, and he asks
what time can he get her later

i told him to just call me a little later and we can figure that out

he doesnt wanna do that.

i told him to just call me later and i ask him to leave

he close the door and tells me no

i re open the door and tell him to LEAVE and that since i've already asked him to leave that now he is technically tresspassing (which it IS)

he comes in my face and SPITS ON ME

he haulks his throat and SPITS AGAIN this time getting some on the baby since she was in my arms. the baby wipes the spit off and i say "WOW look at the statement youre making"


he spits on me again and takes my cell phone

i chase him outside and he throws my phone on the wall and smashes it

by this time the girlfriend gets out the car and we make a very akward introduction lol (i have nothing bad to say about her at all)

i say im sorry about all this and "he" remarks "dont talk to my girl for i make her beat yo ass"

she saying "baby get back in the car"

he's screaming and spitting in the back of my hair like 4 times. before they leave

the police arrive and the story is told

i dont wanna say too much after this because ALL this is just the beggining of what is to come.

but lets just say, there is A LOT of people out for blood right now.

im just gonna try to keep the peace until something (if anything) can be worked out.

i dont trust this man

how can you trust a man that calls a child a PUNK (because of your anger towards me)

and spit on the mother of your child (and your child) in front of your other children???

i talked to some very WISE, INTELLIGENT CONNECTED PEOPLE and they advise me NOT to let him see the baby (at all really)

i dont know if i would go that far, but i have to have security and peace of mind about a person that is taking my child away from my care

and how can i feel like that when someone damages your property (court case)

and spits on you repeatedly in an OPEN STREET in front of my neighbors like they dont see whats going on...

smh

anyways thats my day so far and its not even 5pm yet

now im supposed to be the nice guy and what? forget that my expensive phone is smashed? and that i got spit all over?

HELL NAWL

Monday, December 26, 2011

planning my 2012

so, the holiday is over

new years is on the front stoop

and then our new year!!!!

im kinda let down and excited at the same time

my best friend was supposed to come out in january

but we pushed it back to june.

she goin camping with us!!!

the boys cant STOP talking about this summers camping trip they had a lot of fun last year

and since that was our first time,

this year should go just that much smoother

and its gonna be funny to see my best friend in the wild LOL LOL

i cant wait!

we already have everything we need

we were gonna drive out there right now

to see the snow

but we really dont have alot of snow clothes

so...


and i am NOT gonna be freezing my nads off tryna camp in the snow wit no heater LOL

i cant wait i cant waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

im like a kid on Christmas eve

its gonna be hell waiting until june...

but its ok

i know the time will fly as long as im doing the right things and keeping busy

i have absolutely no complaints right now

now 2moro might be another story lol (j/k)

praying that it wont

our plan is to shop a little and pretty much bring it back home

my daughters father is coming out

so (i dont know what to say after that lol)

anyways everyone
get your resolutions

in ORDER

everyone can make changes in their life if they truly

want to

Sunday, December 25, 2011

MERRY CHRISTMAS 2011

Salutations and merry Christmas everyone

i assume santa has visited all the good childrens' houses
and left coal for all the naaughty ones lol

ive done my duties.

and im headed for a HOT bath

soak for a long time

and hit the bed

at least the hard part is over lol

now just a little more shopping on monday

and we're through!!!

i think the bd is comin to town...

we'll see how that goes (not being negative, just wise from my experiences with him)

but i'll ask GOD to guide everything like i've been doing

im NOT worried.

it should at least be fun for Santana and Sen, possibly the baby if she opens up.

anyways,

i'll leave you with a classic

you cant have Christmas without hearing this


'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;

The stockings were hung by the chimney with care,

In hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there;

The children were nestled all snug in their beds,

While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads;

And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,

Had just settled down for a long winter's nap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,

I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,

Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow

Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But a miniature sleigh, and eight tiny reindeer,

With a little old driver, so lively and quick,

I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.

More rapid than eagles his coursers they came,

And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!

On, Comet! on Cupid! on, Donder and Blitzen!

To the top of the porch! to the top of the wall!

Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"

As dry leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,

When they meet with an obstacle, mount to the sky,

So up to the house-top the coursers they flew,

With the sleigh full of toys, and St. Nicholas too.

And then, in a twinkling, I heard on the roof

The prancing and pawing of each little hoof.

As I drew in my head, and was turning around,

Down the chimney St. Nicholas came with a bound.

He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,

And his clothes were all tarnished with ashes and soot;

A bundle of toys he had flung on his back,

And he looked like a peddler just opening his pack.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!

His cheeks were like roses, his nose like a cherry!

His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,

And the beard of his chin was as white as the snow;

The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth,

And the smoke it encircled his head like a wreath;

He had a broad face and a little round belly,

That shook, when he laughed like a bowlful of jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a right jolly old elf,

And I laughed when I saw him, in spite of myself;

A wink of his eye and a twist of his head,

Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,

And filled all the stockings; then turned with a jerk,

And laying his finger aside of his nose,

And giving a nod, up the chimney he rose;

He sprang to his sleigh, to his team gave a whistle,

And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.

But I heard him exclaim, ere he drove out of sight,

"Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good-night."

Friday, December 23, 2011

day one

so we got our butts out the house today and did a little shopping

sen of course got GAMER stuff (frickin game head) lol
he also got a yoyo, some kinda wall crawler and something else i cant remember lol

santana got a gun (of course J/K) lol a wall crawler like sen and some extra ammo lol

amilly got a smurf, a woody, a corn popper a new cup and bubbles.

we're going out again 2moro.

possibly 2night if we stay up like we been doing.

i got a under bed storage lol (old people flavor)
a cordless mouse which i LOVE!!!!

a movie for the kids

and a hammer LOL

its a cold world when you get a hammer for Christmas lol :)

but its coo...

i need it cause i be borrowing my neighbor hammer i know they like dam!!!

so with all that being said and done

we hit up a little ceasar's and kept it moving lol

we prolly gonna decorate the tree 2moro and then who knows what all else we gonna end up doin lol

i need to buy a couple things for my spoiled cats actually

fat butts!!!

my Christmas was good!

my washing board finally came

and everything fell into place THANK GOD

thanking GOD everyday

im very very very happy!

SEN came out :)

the LORD is a miracle worker boooooooy!

so we definitely had a full day.

amil just knocked out

we watching a movie

we got our feets kicked up

so anyways ima get off here.

everybody enjoy your weekend.

2moro Christmas eve is here

time to enjoy the magic of CHRISTS' birthday

just see how HIS spirit fills (usually) most people with joy
love

compassion

giving

HE fills you

i love the LORD

Monday, December 19, 2011

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

happy holidays everybody (once again)

i hope everyone is enjoying this holiday season and also the upcoming celebrations that are in store

its gonna be great no matter what
i REFUSE to give the enemy my joy

me and my best friend made a pact

and i intend to keep it!! so far i kinda kept it lol


gonna have Christmas dinner with friends and it should be good (hopefully) lol

im noticing more and more people tryna come around

be apart of the picture

but my picture is FULL

i aint got NO room

for anything else

let alone anyONE else

its just cray lol

nawforreal

so BOTH the boys have mohawks right now...

i hope to post pics soon

i just have been having the worst imaginable back pain lately

gotta visit the orthopedic surgeon again

anyways not here to say much

just enjoy life everyone

realize that every single day is a precious gift

its like on madea big happy family

when the one daughter was mean to her mom

then what???

her mom passed on her without her even getting to say sorry

do you want to have those types of regrets??

live knowing that there was SOOO much more you could have done for the people that you love.

thats the stuff that literally will eat away your soul

and it will kill you

destroy your spirit and your faith

take you away from you

it happens so often

there is a message given to you everyday

are you receiving it??

think about it ♥

stay blessed folks

Saturday, December 17, 2011

hmmm

so i talked to my friend today

he said he's been lookin for me lol

i had told him i went to the dr. with santana all day yesterday

he asked me why i didnt take him with me, he wanted to go and he told me "he cared"

i dont know what to think about that one,

usually when a man is trying too hard it doesnt end up well

its like WHY are you trying so hard?

what are we rushing towards??

marriage? LOL

anyways just thinking out loud...

he said he wanted to take me out for drinks.

but then he remembered i dont leave my daughter with anyone

why do guys always try to get you drunk??

lol

its like "lets get to know each other"

"by drinking" lol


well since everything happens for a reason, then i was supposed to MISS that date

he said im obligated to spend time with him???

i dont know maybe i heard him wrong

but i swear i heard that ass right

all i really want is a friend man

somebody to hang out with

crack jokes with

didnt we go over this already??

im seriously not speaking in code

i cant deal with this man LOL

forreal


i dont know if im not feeling a relationship right now or if im just not feelin him

my bestie thinks it the latter lol

i dont know i asked my friend where he was,

he just so "happened" to be at the casino right near my house...

coinkydink?? i dont know you tell me

im glad i dont "do" casinos' you cant swoon me that way

im not really into bars or clubs

its really quite hard to "get" to me

im a hard person to figure out

im complex

im like shrek

im an onion

an onion has LAYERS!!! dammit lol

i think thats a good thing tho,

i have a few people trying to "court" me i guess you could say

date

but i dont know im still just really neutral right now

i just dont feel like im missing anything

i dont wanna fix anything thats not broken you know??

im not in to drama

usually theres always drama when you start dating anyone new

people all in your damm business

creating relationships that dont exsist

putting too much on it etc.

they be on it more than me type shit lol


why change any of that??

i am soooo drama free its not even funny right now LOL

i wake up with a fat ass smile on my face and go to sleep doing the same

i go to sleep when i want wake up when i want

chill with my kids day in and day out

i have a teenager almost LOL tween


i dont know if i wanna share my beautiful family with another person who might take advantage of us and all we have to bring to their life

they have to be super, ultra, mega fantastic

they have to be in GOD'S image

Friday, December 16, 2011

one week from Christmas

so people we are on Christmas' doorstep :)

(im havin a lot of typos lol)

i take it everyone has prepared and gotten ready for the holiday

im not sure who ALL ima be spending my holiday with...

but im grateful nonetheless

i havent really done a whooooole lot

i have started to dedicate my life to a lifestyle of truly only USING what i really have to.

i see SOOOOO SOOOO SOOOO many other people in other countries that live without all the shit we "NEED" as americans.

i makes me sick sometimes,

now dont get me wrong i love our technology,

but our over usage of everything it starts to get really outrageous.


just a few years ago, not EVERYONE had a cell fone lol

now EVERYONE DOES,

I HAVE 2!!

but NOT anymore

im cutting back on everything i USE

i already RE USE when i can

i RE CYCLE of COURSE

and when i get rid of something

i usually give it someone i know

or donate it to a thrift store or some type of charity

so it can be RE USED

i am attempting to cut down on the electricity usage which is really hard

because in the winter i like to be warm and in the summer i like to be cold LOL

but i am defnitely saving on my electricity since im now hand washing and drying all of our clothes

and i might ADD the kids LOVE doing the clothes with me

so its yet another family tying activity that we have found ourselves doing.


its gotten a little colder now,

so we are driving the truck again more often.

but eventually we'll be back out there everyday like we used to be

GOD IS GOOD

my car is almost paid off :) CANT WAAAAAAAAAIT


and life is great, jolly and good LOL

im waiting on a early Christmas gift that i bought myself!!

my bestie is giving me an early gift 2moro I LOVE YOU J!!!!

i should be getting more stuff for me on monday

and then more stuff after that LOL


I LOVE THE HOLIDAYS!!!!!!!

i think sen is coming out here this weekend :)

so GOD IS GREAT all the same!!!!!

EVERYDAY


i hope everyone is having a lot of holiday cheer and spirit in their hearts and in their homes :)

if you cut back on what you DONT NEED

you can better focus on the things you really need to.

focus on your families

connect with GOD

HE will provide you with what you are supposed to have

TRUST HIM

make HIM your one and only

Thursday, December 15, 2011

first INFUSION

so, we are back home from santana's first IV (infusion) medicine session
it takes roughly 6 hours,

we arrived there around 10:50 this morning, its 5 oclock now.

it was surprisingly a lot easier than i thought

even though it was a loooong day

it was pretty relaxing.

pretty much they hooked santana up to an iv and he played x box for 6 hours and ate chips, cookies, drank koolaid lol

i brought us some lasagna, kool aid, chips, pickles, mango

i mean i came PREPARED knowing that it was gonna be a all day mission.

amil found a toy she loved and played with that and ate and watched cartoons

couldnt get santana off the game,

GOOD DAY

NO TEARS on the iv

which is the hardest part

no reaction to the medicine,

no fever

no vomiting

and he had a BLAST!!

so we have to go again in 2 more weeks

hopefully everything will go as smooth as today

i even got a nice nap

so it wasnt that bad at all.

have a blessed one everybody

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

wish us luck

everybody get your prayers together

tomorrow me and santana and the baby are going with santana to the hospital

they are switching his medicine

they are starting him on iv medicine once a month

tomorrow we have to be at the hospital for over 6 hours, its gonna be a VERY VERY VERY long day

so just keep santana in mind

in your heart

and in your prayers

i appreciate it ♥

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

a gesture noticed

soooo i guess you can say i had my second date

kickback

hangout

whatever u wanna call it lol

things went much smoother this time

there also was a little twist but i wont get all kinda into that

anyways

he noticed some of the antiques i had in my place

the style, and swag of it all i guess

so when he came this time, he brought some old stuff along with him

it started some conversation

and i think it made me feel a little less nervous

he said he thought i would be into that sort of stuff lol

at least he's trying to get to know what kinda stuff i like

what interests me lol

he feels like his "in" cuz amil gave him some hugs (pretty amazing i admit)

but i wouldnt say the battle is won

he tried to tickle me lol naw forreal

trying to break the ice i guess

anyways just wanted to say out loud that i do see definite effort

santana thinks i have a boyfriend cuz i gave him a hug LOL

kids are too crazy

Monday, December 12, 2011

GOOD MORNING

happy MONDAY everybody
im up briefly

i woke up very hungry today so ive already cooked breakfast and stuffed my face and im on the way to a nap

i call it my "pre" nap cuz the nap comes later lol

anyways just wanted to say to have a blessed week

my niece is out of the hospital GOD IS GOOD

also to let everyone know

my niece was hospitalized a few days ago for having a seizure

she went to see the twilight movie breaking dawn part one i believe

theres scenes in there that flash like a strobe light

at its causing people to have seizures

theyve already banned the movie over in japan because it was causing seizures in both the adults AND the children

so everyone PLEASE be cautious

my niece saw it on november 18th and has been having seizures ever since

MY kids will NOT be seeing this
because if any one of them ever started to have seizures post twilight i'd sue the hell outta those movie people

anyways just wanted to warn everyone so hopefully further harm can be avoided to anyone big or small

so everyone have a blessed day

watch your loved ones

and put GOD first

that nagging feeling telling you the RIGHT thing to do!!!

its not always easy but its almost always NECESSARY!!!

Sunday, December 11, 2011

first date??

so i possibly had a first date tonight lol

it was at least the first time ive been alone with this person, just on a casual kind of level

it was the CRAZIEST night i could have imagined lol

so were just tryna hang out and watch a movie...

i had people call me and then ask to speak to him lol

he got threatened lol

surprisingly enough he wants to hang out again...

its akward getting to know someone

i was hungry but i didnt wanna eat in front of him lol

i felt like extra under the microscope.

he said he wants to meet my family.

what does that mean?

my bestie said the same thing was gonna happen that happened to everyone else,

eventually i get tired, bored, lose interest and leave

i dont know if shes right or not

i cant say shes lying

who knows lol

all i know is i had a good time

it feels good to be in the company of someone sometimes, not just sitting in the house all alone

someone to talk to

crack a joke

cook or eat with

just companionship i guess

i call it company

if its good company you dont have to jump thru hoops and do all that

you can try to be yourself

my friend said that if i see this person again

maybe a few more times i might loosen up

get more comfortable

i dont know tho lol

im like extra noid when it comes to men

THANKS EXES LOL J/K

no i like to be alone most of the time so being around people

just alone in a quiet setting is trying to say the least for me.

all that being said i think it went ok

maybe they'll be a date number 2 maybe not

but its good to know im not scared of getting back out into the dating world

2shaaaay


i think he at least deserves a second shot after what went on tonight lol

its like hitch when the first 3 dates went horribly wrong lol

live life everybody

??

what does it mean when you dream about someone?

people you dont talk to?

someone you dont see?

how is it you go all day without giving them a single thought

and then you go to sleep and there they are

why?

what role is that?

if ANY

is it your mind playing tricks on you?

your subconscious?

lately ive been having alot of dreams with this same person in them

almost everyday

and it bothers me

because i dont think about this person at all

but lately since i been dreaming about them, when i wake up, im still kinda thinkin about them cuz im trying to figure out WHY im having these dreams

maybe its the devil trying to deceive me because im doing so well

i dont know what the reason is really.

all i know is these dreams

maybe this person needs prayer.

im gonna pray about it.

you can never go wrong with prayer.

hopefully i wont have this dream again

i wont see this face

hear this voice

your mind can play serious tricks on you

watch your thoughts they become words
watch your words they become actions
watch your actions they become habit
watch your habits they become your character

Saturday, December 10, 2011

holding/taking applications

sooooo, as many of you know ive been on my Ab...stinence lol

and i think im ready to start looking at least for a possible "prospect" as i call it lol

i have someone in mind :)
ive been keeping him at bay for a while but i think maybe it might be worth a shot to at least hang out a little, maybe watch a little movies and learn more about each other and see where things go from there.

NOT taking any big steps, or huge leaps by any means

just getting acquainted with someone i guess you could say.

i DO have a game plan tho lol ;)

i'll just leave it at that...

im rolling my dice

BOOM

proud of myself in a way cuz im willing to "break" one of my rules...

maybe im growing lol

anyways just thinking aloud.

ENJOY your weekends everyone ♥♥♥

kill em

when you stay bitter and mad about something you start to kill yourself
when you change your outlook and disposition on someone or something
you kill em with kindness

dont be mad about something you dont have
someone youre not with

GOD has a plan dont you trust HIM?

put your faith in HIM

dont allow anyone to steal your joy

plan your own success

be your own JOY

seek GOD first

HE will fill you with what you need

so have faith that HE knows

and is taking care of the situation

ive walked away from alot

and im still walking!!!

Friday, December 9, 2011

Christmas Vacation

"its that time
Christmas time is here!
everybody knows there's not a better time of yeaar
hear that sleigh
Santa's on his way
hip hip hooray for Christmas vacation

got a ton of stuff to celebrate
now its gettin closer i cant wait
gonna make this holiday as perfect as can be
just wait as THIS Christmas vacation

this old house, sure is lookin good
got ourselves the finest snowman in the neighborhood
aint it fun? always on the run
thats how its done on Christmas vacation

Lets all deck the halls and light the lights
get a toasty fire burning bright
give St. nick the warmest welcome that he's ever had
we're so glad for Christmas vacation

and when the nights are peaceful and serene
we can cuddle up and do our Christmas dreaming ;)




peace and joy and love are everywhere
you can feel the magic in the air
let the spirit of the season carry us away
hip hip hooray for Christmas vacation



Sunday, December 4, 2011

las vegas rock n roll marathon


so i did a little shopping
came home and cooked dinner for my family,
then we was on the way to return the redbox movies...

i live directly off the strip so as soon as i drive 2 blocks towards las vegas blvd i discover im stuck.

they had the entire strip blocked off.
i had NO way of leaving
and even if i got out
i probably wouldnt have been able to get back home.

we were gonna ride the bikes,
but honestly
it was cold.

and i didnt feel like fighting with the wind

so anyways we have thousands of people cheering outside
for the marathon runners

the las vegas marathon is one of the oldest marathons in our country
and its part marathon
part rock concert
with live entertainment at every mile marker.

anyways just sharing a piece of my day.

i bought a galvanized steel tub today to go along with my other plastic washing tub
and my 1800's mangle

my life is pretty complete

im very happy

and i cant believe how much GOD has blessed me
and my family

wish and pray

cuz GOD HEARS!!

as always live, laugh, love

and recycle, re-use, and reduce your trash!!!

love ♥

Thursday, December 1, 2011

december 2011

soooo i have definitely been M.I.A. lately but definitely not without reason
i have been busy busy busy

having a GREAT time this year
my birthday was a BLAST
my peoples came out here
we ate
shopped
got our happy on LOL

and as usual showed out asses LMAO

sooo Thanksgiving and my day went OFF

recently if you guys havent been following my tweets or fb statuses
i have adopted a homeless guy up the street i wont be referring to him as such
his name is RICKY

and lately the kids and i have been feeding him HOT meals,
giving him clothes, pants,
goose down comforters

whatever we can to keep him warm

the kids love seeing his face light up

♥ he's a really sweet guy with bad luck

and i might not be able to put a roof over his head. but im gonna try my damndest to make sure he is well fed and warm this cold season

ive even taken up donations for him

so any who

not here for long

im gettin ready for CHRISTMAS

which everyone should know is my favorite holiday outta the whole year :)

happy holidays everyone

get your resolutions in order and make changes so you can live the happiest life you can

GOD BLESS






my favorite CHRISTMAS carol


Chestnuts roasting on an open fire,
Jack Frost nipping at your nose,
Yuletide carols being sung by a choir
And folks dressed up like eskimos.
Everybody knows a turkey and some mistletoe
Help to make the season bright.
Tiny tots with their eyes all aglow
Will find it hard to sleep tonight.
They know that Santa's on his way -
He's loaded lots of toys and goodies on his sleigh
And ev'rymother's child is gonna spy
To see if reindeer really know how to fly.
and so I'm offering this simple phrase
To kids from one to ninety-two
Although it's been said many times,
Many ways:
"Merry Christmas to you".

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

5am

up for the 5 oclock drop again,

im gonna see if his eye looks any better today,

the school (which is usually really on point) irritated me yesterday

i called the school nurse and was gonna send it to school with santana,
i told her she needed a drop every 2 hours,
but because the eye drop was given to me directly from the Ophthalmologist she cant administer it to him

she actually proposed that i come up to the school every 2 hours...

ARE U TRIPPIN???

so he stayed home yesterday and if they cant figure something out he'll liklely be home all week

which is wack cuz if the B would just give the drop everyone could continue living life.

anyways, today i got a great gift from my neighbor, just a beautiful lamp
its so nice :) i LOVE IT

i got a lot of nice stuff and more to come

i got a lot of compliments on my boots :)

and i just cant be stomped on right now

i happy!!!!

so anyways, just up enjoying the quiet as always.

looking around my apartment and loving it
i LOVE where i am, and who i am today

where i am in life

life isnt about struggle

its just about finding your own happiness
your own reasons to be happy

GOD didnt create us to be sad
HE blesses you when you dont even deserve it

the trick is finding HIS blessings

when you start to get in tune with GOD and people who know HIM

you start to see things alot differently
there is a million and one things. tragic awful things that could happen every minute of everyday

yet amongst that youre still blessed
so be thankful for that

be thankful laughter is free
that smiling helps you to feel better
doesnt that sound like a miracle to you??

re evaluate and make changes if youre unhappy

Monday, November 14, 2011

part one

so part one of my day has already started.
im still having to give santana his eye drop every 2 hours (my poor baby)

so im up for the 5 oclock drop.

its just me and the cats up

im already planning my day.
planning my bike ride

gotta handle a little business today.

cant believe we're already half way thru the month

i know yall tired of hearing me say it...

but TIME FLIES!!!

yes! I SAID IT AGAIN

which is a good thing

means things are still moving :)

i hope my dad gets to come out here soon. we need to get our chill on

PRAYING sen gets to come out again :) ♥

little sister misses him a heap!!

when he left after the summer she kept thinking there were hiding cuz they used to play hide and seek

broke my little heart
but im giving it to GOD and i know whatever is meant thru HIM will be

so its a little chilly right now, i LOVE my pink panther robe tho
im so warm and dope in it lol

its 44 degrees outside

i told my mom and them that its gonna be chilly when they get back out here.

so anyways i got a few things to sort out mayne

GOD IS GOOD ALL THE SAME!!!

i hope my MAN is like the LORD
forever forgiving, understanding and always there for you

so i told yall about me falling

you shoulda seen santana he is so overprotective of me i cant wait till he gets bigger!

he gone make SURE his momma happy :)

thats all i want outta life

HAPPINESS

not money, or fame
not a zillion fake ass friends

not a expensive car

a stressful job

just happiness

cause i cant take anything when i die

so i figure, if it doesnt LEAVE with me when i die and go home to the LORD
i must not need it

if GOD hasnt given me something, i dont need it
i HAVE everything i need

and as long as i continue to focus on the LORD and what HE gives me, i know i'll be ok

life is simple when you focus on the simple things

GOD looks out for the poor. HE does not favor rich people at all
HE actually favors people who can live without things of the world, the material things

how much simpler can it get?

they say you can hear the LORD best early in the morning.

maybe thats why im up at such strange hours all the time ♥

i wanna talk the LORD bump yall!!! lol

so anyways, GOD BLESS YOU EVERYBODY

happy holdays (youre gonna hear me say that a lot till january)

so DEAL WITH IT!!!!!

anyways gonna get off of here.

happy monday and work week.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

funny sunday

sooo, today i slept in alot
cleaned house as usual
COOKED
did laundry
watched movies,

so amil keeps beggin to go bike riding

i finally give in cuz i know she only wants to go cuz she likes to nap in the trailer
so we only get a few blocks from home and she OUT

so we keep riding for a little while, then i thought i felt a rain drop
(it never rained)

so im like lets turn around.

me and santana are standing at a cross walk waiting for the cars to clear
as soon as i lift my left foot to take a step
my foot got caught or something i still really dont know LOL

all i know is i was standing perfectly still when i just fell to the ground and my bike fell on top of me LOL''

i got a booboo on my knee :( LOL

its coo tho, i got a lil laugh

just came to share, cuz im never afraid to put me on blast

funny things happen everyday

we just gotta learn to laugh at ourselves ♥

now let me enjoy these sleeping kids.

2moro is another day.

reactions

its really funny the reactions i get from men who want to be apart of my life
of at least want a part of my time....

i ran across this guy yesterday who has been "courting" i guess you could say lol
whatever u wanna call it, he's been "interested" for around a year now. and so he asked me

"when am i gonna get an invite to come over?"

(me) "boy please you know im abstinent"

"what you talking bout? i just wanna come over and hang out"

(me) "boy im almost 31 years old, i know what TRIES to go on when men come over to 'hang out'"
"gurl get yo mind out tha gutter"

(me) LOL

although he was probably shocked he was really impressed.

and i have to admit the fact that he's not "pressuring" me about sex or really bringing it up,

it eases the tension i guess.

still havent had him over to hang yet.

but we're getting a little closer to that i think.

i hate when people are all about the physical, like what about just enjoying each others company?

laughing?

eating (OF COURSE)

watching movies

grocery shopping

just doing regular shit not the physical physical physical

its crazy the reactions you get sometimes when people hear the word ABSTINENT lol

but every GREAT sacrifice gets an even greater REWARD

so i dont feel like im sacrificing anything at all

cuz there isnt anyone i want to just be with right now

i want someone to take me out

the movies,

get me out the house from time to time you know??

be a MAN lol

make me feel like a lady

i thought the perfect person for me would bring out all the good stuff in me that i didnt know about.

like my best friend.
we've known each other for 15 + years

and we still dont know everything about each other.
and you know what???

when she comes around me, IM a DIFFERENT PERSON

when she comes i always wanna club, dance, smile, laugh, clown
everything good is what i wanna do and be when i hang with my best friend
and THATS what i want out of my MAN

i want him to bring out sides in me that i never knew were in me

if i cant have that then i'd rather live alone.

some people stay with people that bring out the worst in them

they settle
for less

i have a great life all by myself with just me and my kids

so anyone additional will have to ADD to our already boomin life

we have so much fun in this house
we laugh all day
play
clown
watch movies

bike ride

we have it VERY VERY good

BLESSED BEYOND MEASURE

i WILL NOT share my blessings with people who ARENT worthy

and ummmm F.Y.I. any nigga tryin to chime in, yea brutha you have to get passed POPS
so, it pretty much doesnt look good for you

im not even gonna waste my dads time and get your feelings hurt

he's cut throat and i cant blame him ♥ look at me lol im an angel

you know i never have any regrets about passed relationships or exes because i know that when im with someone i am GOOD to them

i do what im supposed to so in the end i live with NO REGRET

i cook, clean, and handle (you know) lol *blushing*

soooo basically im a CATCH ;)

and im happy right where i am in life

i wake up smiling and go to sleep doing the same

NOTHING can get me down

thank you LORD for your abundance in blessing my family

i feel YOUR love everyday
i hope i do something to make YOU proud of me
i hope i am not wasting the blessings and talents YOU have given me

thank YOU for all the changes YOU have made in my life
i LOVE IT

thank YOU for loving me
i LOVE YOU

Friday, November 11, 2011

update




so its now about a week since the fires.
all my neighbors houses that were burned have moved to other vacant apartments in our community.

thats a blessing.

their, trying to rebuild, we are all hopeful
i think we have all learned alot from this

wow i thought i had alot to say when i first sat down but after loading the pictures i feel they speak for themselves.

ultimate tragedy
great losses.

i still feel very grateful.

change is good

everything is gonna be okay

Sunday, November 6, 2011

first week in november

so, sorry ive been m.i.a.
there's been alot of "action" i should say

four of my neighbors houses burned down the other day, thats been pretty emotional

ive been trying to take collections for some of them who need to rebuild
they need clothes, baby clothes, towels, appliances, tv's, almost anything you can think of.

so ive been a little pre occupied with that.

its crazy cuz you know ive recently been hand washing and drying lately.

GOOD THING cuz the laundry room in my building got partially burned and there hasnt been any electric on the side of the building that got burned
hence NO electric in the laundry room!

i am SOOOOOO glad i am still able to wash and dry all our clothes!

GOD IS GOOD very mysterious i would say lol

but so so so so so so GOOD

so after trying to regain composure after the fire

we are all searching for a little normalcy

yesterday we had a great day

we bike rode all over vegas and just had a family, sight seeing, shopping, kinda day

we bought things for the house,
we bought some dvd's that we can watch together as a family.

and now today we are gonna enjoy our overcast rainy kinda day.

today we'll prolly stay indoors, eat warm soul filling food.

and relax. i still low key need to get a few things but im not in desperate need.

we are sitting pretty over here.

blessed especially when you see so much other tragedy going on.

so yesterday my cat died. my cat moon in l.a. :( we had her for 18 years ♥ thats a blessing in itself

and although we miss her,
im glad to know her suferring is over and she is with granny and grandpa. probably pierre too :(

GOD bless you all ♥♥♥

so anyways just came to share, spread love and give a word of hope

appreciate life and your blessings both great and incredibly small

10 of my neighbors have been without electricity ever since the fire.

no heat, tv, stove, internet, lights, NOTHING

an aftershock of the fire thats affecting everyone in my building

so APPRECIATE!!!

you never know when a blessing may leave, or change.

i try not to waste blessings

help me with that ♥ have a blessed sunday everybody

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

happy holidaze folks

with thanksgiving, Christmas, and new years on our door step what do we have planned?

well i already have one birthday gift THANKS MOM

another shortly on the way THANKS J

i am quickly already seeing this month diminish before my very eyes

my fam bam is gonna be coming out again ♥
for my birthdaaaaay haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay (ghetto voice)

not sure what we'll end up doing, but i plan on showing them how i do things MY STYLE

which of course will mean to hit up the thrift stores, (hopefully)
GOOD FOOD hopefully the cheesecake factory ♥ TRADITION

for those of yall who know me, even when i was skin and bones
I GOT MY EAT ON

now that im pleasantly thick LOL

i eat even more so

and enjoy my food a little more :)

like the italianos say about us americanos
we rush through everything including of food and our meals

anyways off track

not sure whats in store for Christmas, i thought the bestie was comin out but it might have to wait another month

then its the NEW YEAR!!!!

cant believe how fast it went by

just in febuary i was sitting in the hospital with an ankle broken in 3 places.

now im walking, biking, and tackling a NEW year!!!!

i cant wait until later today i should have some VERY interesting pictures like i had promised the other day

halloween was a success

LOL amil was going crazy!!!

"tweeen" LMAOOO

awwww the joys and pains of motherhood

i love it and detest it at the same time


Monday, October 31, 2011

impressing myself

sooo in my forever battle to be GREEN i have stepped it up to an entirely new level and i am SOOOOO excited about it.

i dont wanna say TOO much in case something falls through,
but in a day or 2 if things go right (GOD willing)

i should have a VERY interesting update

just to re cap~~ some of the things my family and i already do...

we all bought bikes. (i still own my truck but we use it sparingly)
we try to get on our bikes and go for a family bike ride as often as we can a very GREEN way to travel

we RECYCLE we have been for years.

naturally we use RE USABLE grocery bags

and just recently i started doing more and more laundry old school style :) thats right!!

HAND WASHING

sooo since its gonna be my birthday month my best friend asked me what i wanted and i told her

a WASHING BOARD

of course at first she thought it was like a joke lol

then when she realized i was serious, she was like

"no, thats like buying your wife a vacuum for her birthday"......

after i convinced her i just couldnt live without one she gave in

so i have a genuine authentic washing board :)

its a great way to go very GREEN it saves TONS on water and electricity

*water being a very important, limited resource in Nevada, this being a desert we always have a serious water SHORTAGE

so anyways,

i've been re arranging again and again lol

accommodating my new things and new lifestyle

its looking very very vintage in here

I LOVE IT

i feel like i grabbed a piece of old school Italy and somehow got the swag in my house

its SOOO great!!

ive been finding more and more ways to stay busy

and who knew santana would love washing clothes with me on a washing board LOL

just wait until tuesday

i hope i get the chance to wow you guys.

i have to meet with someone and talk a few things over

but i pretty much have my mind made up

so for any of you who really KNOW ME

that should say it all.

its a beautiful night

GORGEOUS weather (thank you JESUS)

i kinda wanna just take advantage of the lights the wind and the quiet.

wow i just feel SOOO BLESSED right now.

incredibly humble

and overwhelmed with love ♥

my peoples is coming out this month YAY!

i cant believe im turning 31

im glad and very happy with where i am in life right now.

my best friend told me i was her "house wife" ...

she said she wouldnt know what to do if i ever decided to work again
she wouldnt know how to take it.

ive always been my own boss for so long

she's so used to me being able to just relax at home for the most part
take trips when i want to
do things at the drop of a hat.

whenever i get with j,
you never know whats on the menu.

i might have to kidnap her so me, her and the kids can go to the San Diego zoo!!

and because of all of that i have to feel very grateful!!!

EXTREMELY GRATEFUL and BLESSED!

and because of where i am in my life, im finding so much joy in the things around me

i can let go of a lot of things i never knew i didnt need

although i havent done it yet, i still have the possibility of selling my truck looming around as a thought

recycling, re using, saving energy, conserving water/electricity... that is a MAJOR WAY we can give back to GOD by preserving HIS creation, His earth


i am stepping back into the dark ages a little and i feel happier

the more technology i take out of my life the SIMPLER my life gets and im pretty content with that

i will always have a computer LOL

i need the internet etc.

but i am cutting back on every other non necessary luxury i can.
especially if its a way to save some of our natural resources.

making sacrifices and like some of my ancestors :)

they had things good back then

alot less stress!!!

anyways just came to share my excitement

i'll give you an update and most likely pictures within the week

:)

love yall stay positive and put every bit of your faith in GOD

Thursday, October 27, 2011

halloween 2011

so people it's finally here!!! HALLOWEEN

whats everyone gonna be?

my oldest son is still undecided right now i asked him what he was gonna be he said "a ninja, asomething else or a robber/thief" i was like thats alot lol, my middle boy is gonna be a grim reaper, and the baby is gonna be a beautiful geisha girl (thanks to her mommies good looks LOL)

im not sure if im gonna dress up or not still, i have something to wear,

honestly i dont have the small accessories that i want to go with it.
i been sick up and down for almost 2weeks now, so i figure if i have the energy and spirit to dress up, i will
and if i dont at least i will hopefully feel good enough to take the kids to do they thang.

i wanna flatten my hair out to go along with my costume, but now that my hair is long again thats lookin like a LONG shot too

well at least the kids is excited :) thats all that matters

another year CLOSING FAST!

its so funny how time flies faster and faster the older you get

i wish everyone a great holiday weekend
no school for us nevadians cuz were dope (im not from here but i been here a long time) LOL

at least the school system is pretty nice

4 day weekend for santana trick or treating on monday ;) the fun day

Wednesday, October 26, 2011

meat vs your health

hi everybody!!!

i hope you all had a good day today, i wanted to address an important issue

our weight and the food we eat, and how it affects our health.

as many of you know i have always been very petite, and thin.

and over the past year i had a significant weight gain (approx 35 pounds) give or take.

so although i am wearing it well, exercising. i have started to pay more attention to what i eat and how it affects me.

i learned that anyone who eats 12 or more processed meats a month INCREASES their risk of cancer by approximately 14% thats A LOT.

we're talking cancer people, which kills hundreds of thousands of people a year.

i lost my grandmother to cancer.

many many loved ones.

soooo what are the "processed" meats that theyr'e talking about?

ALL of them.

any food that is processed in any way, shape, or form.

that includes ground beef, turkey, chicken, pork etc. hot dogs, links, etc. processed lunch meats, nuggets, fish sticks. anything that anyone processed.

having 12 or more of these meats a month INCREASES YOUR RISK FOR CANCER BY 14 %

when you think about it (at least me myself) i believe i consume around that many processed meats.

you hit mc donalds a few times, even subway (their meat is processed) cook a few burgers at home, some nuggets etc. and at the end of the month you might have consumed maybe even double that.

thats why i wanted to at least make people aware of the risk.

what i have done personally to help eliminate some of the proccessed meats i eat in my own home are,

buying fresh cut turkey breast from delis.

cooking whole turkeys and chickens and making my own meat that way.

i still buy chicken nuggets and ground turkey and beef sometimes. but all in all i try to at least be AWARE

conscious on what im eating and what my kids are eating.


i hope this helps every one who reads it in some way

moderation is the key to everything

lets live long lives!!!

so we can see our kids, grand kids and great grandkids grow up :)

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

dating with kids

so with the continual changes on families and whats considered to be standard family life

we have more and more single moms and dads finding themselves in the "dating" world

and if you are one of these people then you know how difficult it is

kids get extremely attached.

people change

lie

break their promises.

and your kids almost suffer MORE than you

being a victim of this circumstance, i vowed that i never wanna put my kids at risk for being hurt

until i really KNOW that im with the person im gonna marry and spend the rest of my life with

but how do you know?

people are so unpredictable

how do you know that they really are who they are and who they say theyre gonna be?

thats the danger of dating with kids

keeping a very crisp line

no gray area

no bullshit

no games

no "booty calls"

im above all of that

SUPERIOR to it

its beneath me

and i wont fall subject to it

i wont have "friends" making passes at me making me uncomfortable

if you wanna be a friend then be one

my friends dont get to come over here and have sex

go to your other "friends" for that

by now everyone should be very clear on where i stand about them because i dont play games

i dont pretend

and dont fake like im feelin something i dont

i dont call people

and i rarely answer my fone

why??

because i know my time and my company is valuable.

its given to my kids unless i deem someone worthy of sharing some of that time

i have made HUGE character misjudgments in the past

and im alot smarter now

wiser.

so im not mad about having to make smart decisions

thats a good thing

its a good thing that i have to weigh in on everyone who might affect my kids


if youre single with kids and dating: think about your kids first

NEVER EVER choose a man OVER your kids.

and STAND UP for what you believe in and how you think you should be treated

recognize that you are setting a FOREVER image, example of what your kids think is healthy and normal.

they will think however you act is how they are supposed to act in their own relationships when they come of age.

a man is LUCKY when he finds a wife.

so realize your worth, let your daughters know their worth

women you are worth MORE than rubies (it says it in the Bible)

stick with the man that KNOWS that

and with the man that makes you FEEL like that.

everyday you should wake up SMILING because youre next to your husband or wife.

live your miracle

gettin started

soooo today santana wanted to be on super slow mode this morning.

first he had to take like a 30 minute "bathroom break"...

so im rushing him like come on, you dont wanna miss the school bus

i told him what to wear cuz he FORGOT it was picture day today

after sweating me all week like a loan shark lol

so when he comes out he has the shirt i picked out on top of this other shirt

mind you both the shirts have collars so he lookin like 2 collar larry n shit lol

i told him to take the under polo off and put the button up shirt back on and button it up

i also told him to get his jacket out the car cuz he been havin a cough for like 2 weeks now

he gets it, then when he give me the keys back he tellin me

"it dont feel cold outside"

im like boy you been havin a cough over a week, im tired of hearing that shit put the coat on and take yo ass to school

good ness, the changes we had to go through today lol


cant wait to hear about his day when he gets home

he be havin the CRAZIEST stories

i know he be SUPER embellishing but i dont give him a hard time about it

♥♥♥

Friday, October 21, 2011

for the REAL MEN

Here's to ALL the REAL men out there


Boys play house. Men build homes!!

Boys shack up. Men get married!!!

Boys make babies. Men raise children!

a boy won't raise his own children. a Man will raise HIS AND someone elses!!! (PREACH)

Boys invent excuses for failure. Men produce strategies for SUCCESS!

Boys look for somebody to take care of them. Men look for someone to take care of!!

Boys seek popularity. Men demand respect and know how to give it!!!




RE POST in HONOR of all the REAL men that do the RIGHT THING!!! ♥

Sunday, October 16, 2011

giving it to GOD

im in a very different stage in my life right now.

a stage of watching, learning, and changing.

seeing people for who they really are.
watching where and who there loyalty lies with

what kind of person they are

what they expect from me
if they are there for me the same way i am for them

i am distancing myself from a lot of folks

people dont care whether theyre right or wrong

how they do people

i guess they feel you can do what you want never answering to anyone

i guess they forgot about GOD

as i let go of the negative people and the things that i allow to hold me back

a newer world is opening up to me
and everyone thats in this world is happy

married

faithful

in love with GOD

in love with life

and they are BLESSED
beyond all measure

ALL MEASURE

i realize that i am already one of these people and others realize it

even try to prey on it

envy it

envy you

stay away from those people

they're is no shame is standing alone next to GOD

i am so HAPPY for certain people on my life right now

happy of where they let GOD take them

i am following in some very big footsteps but i know i can do it

my blessings are already THERE i just have to claim them

own them

im giving the good the bad and the ugly to GOD

and im gonna relish in His undying love

its so great to have someone carrying me

i have alot of people in my prayers right now.

people sick and dying from cancer.

prayers for loved ones that ive already lost


i know theyre watching over us right now proud

proud of the steps that have been taken
proud of the changes that have been made

ive still been continuing to stick to my abstinence
give my energy to GOD, my kids, exercise LOL

anything but giving into the flesh

GOD IS GOOD, AMAZING!!!!

we are indebted to HIM

we are in His mercy simply for being made in His image

i know that doin the right thing is hard

but thats why its the RIGHT thing to do.

i plan my happiness every single day

taking it day by day

knowing that 2moro may never come

i pray for my enemies

ask God to help me to become an increasingly better person

i love my family

they cool for the most part LOL LOL

hey we are given our fam, we cant pick them.

i am gonna try to stash some money and take a vacation outta country :)

get my passport on

live a little

think about myself

i never think about myself.

i matter too!

im gonna start pampering myself.

i gotta think about what i want for my birthday

lowkey i was posta tell my bestie what i wanted by the end of 2nite

i'll tell her when i think of it

and i might even let someone take me out to dinner and a night on the town :) ♥

i plan on having a good birthday this year ♥
i WILL have a BOMBAY day!!!

im embracing where i am in life cuz i feel SOOOOO BLESSED!!!!!!!!!!!

i look around at all i have

and i cant imagine what GOD could possibly bless me with next.

but i know its coming :)

give it GOD yall!

enjoy life

smile,

love,

learn from your mistakes.

thats all He wants from us.

to call on Him when we are in need
to trust
!♥♥♥♥

Sunday, October 9, 2011

lets not and say we did

lets pretend we saved a friendship
that things didnt end weird.

i guess we could pretend you did the right thing.

lie to yourself and say you didnt cheat
you werent wrong

but what sense does any of it make?

we arent forced to share a future together
to be friends
to talk
text


so lets not and say we did

isnt it confusing for you?

to try to act like things arent different when everything has changed

i warned you before the line was crossed

that friends and lovers cant mix

now you see what i was talking about

you also should know by now how cut throat i am

i am no ordinary woman

and i cant be handled like anyone youve ever known before

you should stick to what you know and who you know
she aint me

no one can ever be me

GOD had a very unique thought when he created me

i am unmatched

and i can never be copied or duplicated

i promise once youve shared any part of your life with me you can never forget it

no woman can match me ;)

i am sure of it!!!

i know who i am

what kind of power i have

im the BEST

ive been told time and time and time again lol

so you go out there and find cheap imititations of the woman you really wish you had

lol lets not and say you did ;)

Saturday, October 8, 2011

maybe next lifetime

you ever feel like a situation would work out differently if the timing was just different?

timing is everything

sometimes you might have the right person and ALL the wrong timing

you're supposed to be having time for each other.
you seldom see that anymore though.

people make time for what they want, who they want, when they want.

i guess we're all guilty of that at some point in time.

it never feels good when its you on the short end.

i never understand that.

why reach out to someone? when you know that you dont have time for them?

at some point, you stop reaching back,

stop caring, stop wondering

and eventually you FORGET.

im still on the same path that i have been on for a while.

im still happy.

much more cautious than before.

sometimes you have certain situations that define how you view someone for the rest of your life.

sometimes you see them for the very first time.

i always say actions speak louder than words.

a person's mouth can open up and say anything, but if you watch long enough
their actions will tell you everything!!!

GOD is very merciful!

He will give you all the answers if you ask.

dont be fooled though, remember that the devil is very deceiving
when you're on the right track the devil will try to distract you

so be watchful for when something is sent from GOD and when a distraction is sent from the devil.

when GOD wants you to work harder and when HE wants you to defend yourself against harm.

you ever fall in love with a thought?
a fairy tale?

what you wish you and that special person could be
how you could make it work

live the american dream?

raise your family?

you become lost in the dreamworld

because thats not how things really are.

in real life, you never talk.
the texting is scant.

and the wound is fresh.

i would be naive to say that we can just be friends after everything that has happened between us.

i know that you're gonna be fine and so will i.

it was fun to imagine a "we"

"we" never made it that far though.

as always i keep you in my prayers.

i'd be lying if i said i didnt think about you.
want to see you.
youre gorgeous face ;)
still the most handsome man i've ever laid eyes on ♥

i think thats why we even bother. we like to look at each other.

i can close my eyes and see your smile

i miss you.

but i cant argue with GOD or fate.

all i have now is memories.

but i can hold onto them for the rest of my lifetime.

and maybe we'll meet up next lifetime.
when things might work out better.

yea.... next lifetime

Friday, October 7, 2011

goodmorning troops

hello everybody, happy friday!!!

the first week of october is already OVER!

YEA!!!! only a couple more weeks till my birthday :)

these next couple of months are my favorite time of the year!!!!

i unexpectedly still been doin more changes to my apartment (as always) LOL

but its lookin very spiff i tell you
nothing but compliments every time someone comes through :)

so, with the year quickly coming to an end...

i hope everyone has had a GREAT year!!!!

this was one of the best ive had in a LONG time!!!

alot of positive changes
different people in my life

bullshit steppin!

great bonds formed

goons acquired LOLOL LMAO

anyways im just UP enjoying this morning (which i never do)

im hoping to ATTEMPT to change my hours by just a little since its gettin dark and cold so quick

we're already in the low 50's high 40's so, i can already see where this winter is going

its gonna be A COLD ONE FOLKS!

maybe we'll even get snow again :)

when my daughter wakes up we might go on a nice, calm bike ride.

she absolutely loves riding :)

Thanksgiving is around the corner.

i pray everyone gets to spend it the way the LORD planned it.

im gonna be havin a ball hence my birthday lol

then of course CHRISTMAS my ♥♥♥ favorite favorite holiday!

and then we have a brand new year on our doorstep :)

this morning i would like to thank the LORD for waking me up, giving me words to speak to you all.

I see His blessings absolutely everywhere
i see His beauty!!

His masterpieces ♥

enjoy GOD everybody
enjoy life, breath in your body

love your loved ones, pray for your enemies

give GLORY to GOD

put GOD first and everything follows.

Monday, October 3, 2011

thanks

thank you for arriving.
unannounced you surprised me.

i assume it was all in God's plan, under His control and his timing

i was totally shocked
but even MORE relieved

you changed my life,
you altered my story

finally a chapter worth telling!

no more sad sorrows

everything is turning around.

everyone, everything that GOD wants around me ~ is here

anyone who is gone, is there for a reason
regardless of whether i understand why or not

i dont have to understand

im leaning NOT toward my own understanding

its really funny to me how people always think other "people" are gonna be the ones to control karma
the big "get back"

but the ONE and only LORD plays that out for you

your cards are already dealt
manifest destiny
everything that is happening
the LORD already wrote
before you were a "glimmer" in your parents eye.

once you FULLY grasp that, its alot easier to let go of things

i was the master at holding onto things

especially hurt

i still do that, (working on it)
improving

and ever since a special someone stepped into my life

everything seems alot simpler
easier

unquestioned.

i have alot!!

im OVERblessed ♥

the LORD is good!!

i thank HIM for how far He's brought me

how strong He made my back
how He instilled in me that i can truly do ANYTHING

ive walked a mile and back

ive managed more pain that most could in a lifetime
and my life isnt even half over

GOD told me my sorrow is over
to let it go

let the past be the past

and that my future is BOMBBAY LOL

this past mother's day i received the greatest gift i could have ever hoped to gain
a gift that keeps on giving

never ending love

GOD told me that its ok to cry, but its better to cry tears of JOY

i want to live up to the Lord's expectations

He created greatness!
and im thankful

Saturday, October 1, 2011

octobre

i notice different little stuff about people everyday
some things i like, somethings i dont

alot gets over looked.

but soon enough everyone reaches there breaking point.

everything has an expiration date.

surprisingly enough, we often try to ignore it.

and when we do, then real tragedy arrives.

i dont pretend to be anything im not
and i dont want anyone being fake with me.

if you SHOW me that you have no loyalty,
you have NO place in my life.

if you are a friend of mine, then you loyalty shouldnt be questioned.

its time to say good bye

and not that its not time

its passed time

its something that shouldve been done long ago and just wasnt

but now that i see for myself who you are

what you will and wont do

i cant chill wit you

you'll just as quickly stab me in the back.


life as it is

Sunday, September 18, 2011

a talk with my dad

soo, as some of you may know
i recently met my dad for the first time this year...

today i had my first like ♥ to ♥ talk i guess you could call it lol

it feels very different getting and hearing a mans prospective because men and women handle things so differently,

but it felt good.

i heard what he said.
i believe him.

ive felt in my heart the very words he said so long ago.

he only gave me confirmation.

it takes a long time for little boys to grown up, no matter how mature you call yourself being.

i havent met a real MAN in a long long time.

i came close but NO cigar. :(

but i definitely have a man backing me now, and he AINT to be fucked with lmaoo

CERTIFIED STRIPES dont even play, or fool yourself.

and thats all i need.

somebody keepin all these fake ass, wanna be ass, clown ass, BLOW POPS out the way!!

somebody is batting for me.

i can relax.

he said my heart is NOT to be played with.

and its not.

thank you LORD for everything
for today
right now
my blessings
my life
my air
my breath
the blood flowing through my body

may i forever be in YOUR mercy
and YOUR grace.

thank YOU for bringing me this far

self pep talk

hang in there Chase, storms never last forever

Love yourself as much as you can

Live the life the Lord has already created for you in His Name.

never accept substandard treatment, even from those that you expected the best from.

Realize when someone isnt right for you
take the steps to continue your own happiness

Dont depend on anyone

Be strong in moments of weakness.

Continue to learn about yourself and your history

The devil is only trying to distract you from the Lord's blessings.
Dont let him make you fall short of God's glory.

say what you mean and mean what you say

dont bluff

make Hard decisions in despite of controversy.

STOP reaching out to unavailable people.

SEE them for who they are.

Know that you cant change people

they are who they are.

you either have to accept them as is.

or walk away.

know that just because its hurting now, you wont hurt forever.

KNOW YOUR WORTH.

GOD said you are worth More than rubies!!!

dont degrade yourself.

never let a man hold you down or keep you down.

a man isnt a man if he isnt empowering you.

making you FEEL like every bit of the woman you truly are!

PRAY

leave eveything in JESUS' hands and you wont go wrong.

if GOD has taken someone away from you,
let them stay gone.

I know you might miss them at times,
but theyre better left in the past.

you dont need their love
depend on GOD

GOD loves you when youre at your best, your worst.
whether youre right or wrong.

you can always depend on HIM

HIS shoulders are broader than anyone you will ever know

cry out to HIM

HE hears

HE answers.

not all of the answers will be what we want to hear,
but its what we need to hear.

Follow the LORD

you are forever HIS baby.

no one else has to know your worth but HIM.


i love you chase

Monday, September 12, 2011

seasons changing

the seasons are changing again.

another year GONE

everything is evolving

progression for the ones moving in the right direction

ive been bonding with alot of important people

especially MEN

who IM SURE will play a very vital role in MY life,

my kids lives, from now until forever.

im working on family ties.

everyone else is working on their intimate relationships...

am i totally crazy because im shying away from all that?

i dont have time for that.

theres so much else to worry about,

and plus everybody i know is really unhappy in their relationships

they lie to each other, argue, cheat.

why do all that?

why not just be single and live the single life

which is essentially what you're still doing

your mate just doesnt know it.

i APPLAUD anyone who is in a loving, committed, trusting relationship or marriage.

cause that takes ALOT of work.

understanding, time, communication, sacrifice, teamwork,

its a very intricate combination
and its TOUGH

thats why i cant devote any of myself to that right now.

with all the changes in my life over the past year i dont know if i EVER wanna do that, i dont know lol

it would have to be a TRUE ACT OF GOD!!!!

through GOD ALL things are possible.

i wish everyone luck on their endeavors.

im gonna start thinking of my new years resolution...

its almost been a year since i stopped smoking.

i did that!!!! now i gotta work on something else.

im exercising

biking, boxing, yoga

so it might take me a little while to decide what my next move will be

ive decided against henderson. so thats a load off

i cant believe halloween is around the corner

then turkey day and CHRISTMAS :)

then the year is over man

another year knocking on our doorstep

what have you accomplished this year?

what have you done that would move GOD?

what have you done that GOD sees?

think about these things and make changes in your life

2moro may never come.

make today count.

enjoy GOD ♥